Conflict

I am a 60 year old housewife living with my husband in The Villages, Florida. My son is a chiropractor in Houston, Texas and is our only child. I began my spiritual journey quite unintentionally a couple of years ago. I now have one more year of schooling ahead of me in order to become a Schience of Mind Practitioner.

I have many beliefs systems that no longer work for me, but I defiantly work against changing them. Familiarity? I would love to serve others, especially children, but find it difficult to gain entre into this area. I am about 90% confined to a wheelchair which doesn’t inspire confidence in anyone.

In spite of what I’ve learned, I am still lacking faith. I’m lonely, very fearful and sooooo depressed.

Well Chris, that’s my story in a nutshell.

Rebecca Nemow

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 21st, 2009 at 3:04 am

Rebecca,

Thank you so much for sharing about yourself!

I began my spiritual journey quite unintentionally as well, and can definitely relate about old belief systems no longer working. This has been a constant focus of growth for me as I continue to discover what works and doesn’t, and as I consciously align myself more and more with joy, peace, happiness, and abundance.

Have you heard of Shirley Cheng? If not, do a few Google searches on her and see what you come up with. I think you will find her story to be particularly interesting.

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Lori Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Hi Rebecca, I read your story to give me confidence to write my own. I live in Gainesville, Florida (not far from you, I’m 53 and I too am struggling to find “the answer” to moving forward in my life. I’ve gone through so many disappointments in my life that that there is deep seeded hurt and anger that I believe is holding me back. If you’d like to connect and make a new friend, my email is lori.wood@yahoo.com.
Keep smiling!

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am

Okay, this is awesome – I love watching people connect with each other and inspire one another!

Sometimes all it takes is somebody else’s story to help us find our own…

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Mary Lou Berner Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:16 pm

@Chris Cade, Good Day, Chris and those going through GROWTH/Conflict/Life!!!I am 55,a widow of 19 years,I have 2 sons-Matt 36 & Marty 30,7 beautiful grandchildren!!!My name is Mary Lou Berner and I reside in N.W.Arkansas.I too like many others in this world suffer physicially,mentally and spiritually!!!I have become an Inspirational Entreprenuer out of necessity for the betterment and spiritual health of others!!!Join me on Twitter at HeavenlyGiftsan-also read some of my stories on My Life.com under Mary Lou Berner (Wilson).I have been GIFTED by Our Triune God to help heal the wounded and hurting!!!As you come to know me WE ALL can and will be on the JOURNEY to inner GRACE,PEACE,MERCY,and LOVE!!!Action may not always bring happiness,but there is no happiness WITHOUT ACTION!!!”Defeat IS NOT defeat unless accepted as a REALITY-IN YOUR MIND”!!!(Bruce Lee).Failure IS ONLY the opportunity to BEGIN AGAIN,this time MORE WISELY!!!If the GOING is real easy,BEWARE,you may be headed DOWN HILL!!! SHALOM-PEACE To ALL!!! M.L.B.

Mary Lou Berner Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm

@Chris Cade,What a beautiful day that everyone ALIVE can cherish!!! I am enclosing 1 of my SPECIAL Inspirational Prayers that I use on those OFF DAYS!!! 1.)The future Is full of PROMISE–The future is full of promise,Holy God,if only because we discern YOUR FORCES of evolution at work EVERYWHERE!!! Every opening flower,every growing child,EVERY glimmer of human enlightenment,EVERY BODILY PROCESS OF HEALING–tells us the future IS NOT fearsome but FULL OF PROMISE!!! YOUR FACE is hidden,YOUR NAME unknown:still we turn to you in FAITH and CONFIDENCE!!! Creating Holy Spirit,we hear YOUR comforting voice in the steady music of the unfolding of CREATION!!! We GIVE THANKS to exist,and to be the JOY OF YOUR HEART HEAVENLY FATHER!!!AMEN an AMEN!!!

Mary Lou Berner Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 1:17 pm

@Chris Cade,Good Afternoon,here is my 2nd Inspirational Prayer (Mantram) for EVERY HURTING PERSON–I Am a Point of Light–I am a point of light WITHIN a GREATER LIGHT. I am a strand of LOVING ENERGY within the stream of LOVE DIVINE!!! I am a point of GRATUITOUS FIRE focused within the FIERY WILL OF GOD!!!And Thus I Stand!!! I am a way by which people may achieve!!! I am a source of STRENGTH,enabling them to stand!!! I am a BEAM of LIGHT,shining upon THEIR WAY!!! And THUS I STAND!!! And standing thus revolve!!! And tread this way the ways of mankind!!! AND KNOW THE WAYS OF GOD!!!AND THUS I STAND!!!SHALOM-PEACE TO ALL WHOMS LIFE I TOUCH!!!!!M.L.B.

Mary Lou Berner Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 10:41 pm

@Chris Cade,The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones!!!Don’t get discouraged;it is often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock!!!Success is NOT FINAL,Failure is NOT Fatal,IT IS THE COURAGE TO CONTINUE THAT COUNTS!!!To ALL whom want to walk away or quit any part of your LIFE–PLEASE use the previous words to WORK IN YOU BEFORE YOU THROW AWAY OR WALK AWAY FROM ANY PART OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!ACTION IS THE ANTIDOTE TO DESPAIR!!!!!Whoever said anybody has the right to give up?????SHALOM-PEACE TO ALL!!! M.L.B.

justme Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am

@Chris Cade,
trying to find that link that lets us cancel reply notifications. Is stuffing up my email system. Hope it appears here when I “submit”. Away for a week and will have hundreds of notifications!

Chris Cade Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

justme – You probably won’t find it on the webpage. However, it’s at the bottom of every single one of those ‘notifications’ so as soon as you get another notification, go click it.

carol Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 3:28 pm

@Lori, I am moved by what you have shared about being held back by many past disappointments and hurts and the resultant anger etc. Chris put a quote on facebook today that has challenged me, probably because of those things, this is the quote: “and the day came when the risks remain to remain tight in bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” – Anais Nin. That’s what it feels like, I suddenly feel as if I need to take a big risk in order to enter more fully into life again …I shall think about waht this might mean for me.
Thanks for your comments.

[Reply]

Rob Wilander Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 am

@Rebecca Nemow, Hi Rebecca,Here’s a man who’s confined to a wheelchair who is very inspiring to everyone he meets.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2whOqfcrBUE.
His name is Sean Stephenson.I’m sure you, too, will be just as inspiring!

[Reply]

Liliana Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 5:23 am

@Rob Wilander,
Dear Fellows, I can’t stay with cross hands and do not show you another example of winner!Meet Nick Vujicic, dear friends!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQPmY4nIjVE
I just love this guy!

And, of course, love you all!

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

@Liliana, God bless you my sister. What a blessing you have posted here for us all! What a loving thing you have done! The video brought tears to my eyes and I have already sent the link to a friend.

Kiki Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Dear Rebecca, I’m also near you. Call the Lake County Guardian Ad Litem program or Sumter County GAL program. They work directly with kids helping them through the court process. Many are battered, abused and broken. Your wheelchair can show them that although bodies can break, spirits won’t, and they can pick up the peices and move on. You can help others. Call today. If you can’t find a number, then check the Florida Statewide Guardian Ad Litem office (on the net), they will route you to the right people. Cheers!

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Christina Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,
dear Rebecca
so sorry you feel still depressed.
do check out/google EFT and TAT. Great non-pharmaceutical help for depression.
much love from Switzerland

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Maria Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm

@Rebecca Nemow, Hello Rebecca, You have discovered your purpose so you shall do great working with children. To clear doubts you may use EFT http://www.emofree.com
Thank you for existing! You make a difference!

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alisha lutjen shields Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm

@Maria, I am a 33yr old stay at home mom, my hands are shaking and my eyes filled with tears and i dont know why? I do know that my mom turned me onto Gary Craig EFT last year, it has given me so much relief, happiness, and i feel so very thankful! I am always willing to try new stuff thats why im looking into chris cades stuff….just wanted to say wow! AWESOME! I think there should be optional tapping time in work places and schools. I think i just wanted to connect with someone, i believe group healing and tapping…..well there just somthing about it? Its great to see or hear someone saying ‘have ya tried EFT?’ LOL THANKS

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Jeanne Meger Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 8:08 pm

@alisha lutjen shields, You may be a sensitive, and feel the pain of others. Just know the tears may be triggered by someone else’s unhappiness and pain, and not belong to your life at all. I release a prayer for whoever has the pain I am feeling and is in need of comfort. The pain goes when it is not mine. EFT International.com is a great website. You may already have access to it. I am working on procrastination. It is great that time heals. God’s in His Heaven and there is nothing wanting. We are all connected by intention and spirit. Breathe. Yahway means breath in the ancient Sanscrit language. God is life. We breathe in life with each breath. Go in peace.

Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:03 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,

Faith provides the motivation to recreate wholeness without the certainty that it exists.

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Raindance Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:46 pm

To Rebecca Nemow,

I read your entry with interest and would beg to differ with you that your “being in a wheelchair” doesn’t inspire confidence in others. I finished my masters in 1992 at the age of 43 which I thought was pretty darn inspirting – but you know what? There were three others in my graduating class who graduated with their masters in social work who were in wheelchairs. Two had cerebral palsy, one of which had a full time attendant, and another person who had MS. They turned out to be great social workers because they have definitely been there and done that! So move forward in confidence because you will indeed be a wonderful inspiration for all who meet you!!!!

Sincerely,
Raindance

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Paula Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:46 am

thank you chris

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damaris Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:46 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Iam 48 years old live in ft lauderdale,fl.I could have a million sugestions for you but at this time will like to share gratitudelog.com is a simple site that reminds you how blessed you are and forgetting of those minor things that we tend to make mountains of it. Im sure you are a beautiful person that is on her way to create beautiful things for herself to share with family friends and the world.CREATE YOUR LEGACY
LOVE
damaris

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:55 pm

@damaris, I just came back from gratitudelog, expressing my gratitude for inscribe your life and leaving the link.

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L. Brierfield Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:49 am

@Dear Rebeca:
The wheel chair is confining your body, but your spirit is part of the divine field and can fly unrestricted. I know you will find the way to help others because right now you have inspired me to reach out to you and sent you my love and best wishes. So you see Rebeca, you have made me a better person today. Perhaps it will be reflected in my work as a novelist.

Sharing your desire to give, I link with you through the mind of God.

L. Brierfield ( a pen name )

Nemow,

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Marg Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,

I’d like to share my story. I’m a senior; two years ago after coming through some very serious illnesses, and moving out of my house, to an apartment in another town. Feeling depressed and lonely; someone kindly introduced me to My Waiora and I found great people, support, friends and I feel better about myself, and now I want to help others. I don’t feel alone anymore.
Need help? e-mail me at: marpat4@gmail.com
Hope this story helps somebody else. Take care, Rebeca; you’re special!

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Juanita Tinker Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Hi Chris, I am a 55 yr. old Black woman who lives in the midwest, who is currently the primary care giver for our mother. Ilive with my daughter, I am divorced and a grandmother of three, I look back over my life and never thought that I would be at this place in my life. I feel that I was put here to be a lightworker and healer, but the first rule of thumb, is physcian heel thy self. I have up util now been an reluctant caregiver for my mom, because I felt like the job had come to me by default, but now I am realizing that it is truly a gift from God. I try to communciate with spirit as often as I can. I am a believer in spirit uides as well as angels. Thanx for listening.
Blessedbe

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Debie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 10:00 am

@Juanita Tinker,

I too was taking care of my mom and what a priviledge it was. When the others finally got involved toward the end I must admit I resented. At first i wanted it, but when it came, I realized I was losing precious time with my precious mother. It was a time to pay her back in part for all she had done for me. God bless you! He is walking with you!

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Leeann Puleston Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 11:17 am

@Juanita Tinker, Dear Juanita no matter what we do or where we do it we are light workers when we do what we do with consciousness and love. I basically cared for my mother from 79 until she passed away 2 years ago. Thank goodness she didnt need physical care until the last few weeks you see I am totally disabled. Someone is always asking me how to do spiritual things when we are doing mundane things? When we go about our lives consciously enjoying them and appreciating what we do have we are in Spirit. I can tell that you are doing things in Spirit because you have now come to terms with your mothers care. As my brothers and sisters of the Navajo Tribe say “walk in beauty” and you walk in Spirit

[Reply]

Mary Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:51 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,
Hi, Rebecca. If your belief systems no longer work, throw them out. And you have the ability to inspire anyone–especially since that is your desire. Go to the children’s wing of your local hospital, and I bet you’ll inspire a ton of kids. Good luck.

Mary

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LoveCreatesLife Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:15 pm

@Rebecca Nemow, Dear Rebecca, you might find help in reading Mitchell May’s story, he’s the owner of the company that created ‘pure synergy’, he healed from a near fatal car accident where he broke 40 bones and could not walk… he is a healer. and could likely help you to heal also. you might also find help through a raw food detoxification and comfrey leaf tea.. aka knit bone. it has been shown by dr. christopher a legendary herbalist to heal a spine that was so degenerated bones were missing…. comfrey leaf is very powerful, you might like the guidance of Robert Morse at http://www.godsherbs.com

i have my own story to tell…. will come back

i wish you the most miraculous healing and turn around you could ever possibly imagine….

love creates life

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hairbender Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 4:27 pm

@LoveCreatesLife, Thanks for sharing…very insightful!

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm

@LoveCreatesLife, Thank you from me as well. Very practical counsel that can bless many.

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Lin Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:33 am

@Rebecca Nemow,

Hi Rebecca

I have spent my journey this time round in developing a sysem to help children and families and crisis – it works and is commended by educational systems – i need help in taking this system out to people and children on line and can be done for our home – would you like to help me? please contact me: lin@holisticeducationaltherapy.co.uk

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Lynn Walker Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

@Rebecca Nemow, Rebecca..please see my website and just read my story. There is hope and you have a special story of your own to tell and use for inspiration. Our thoughts create our reality..all you need to do is realize your thoughts that you are not inspirational are the exact reason you are not finding openings! Tell yourself you ARE an inspiration, visualize that you ARE this and see what happens! Blessings, Lynn

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ragnhild Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 1:58 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,Dear Rebecca, read” Ask and it is Given” by Esther Hicks. I think it will change your life. Raga.

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Ki Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 4:44 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
When I read your thought about not inspiring confidence because of being in a wheelchair, I thought, “What does she mean? Why not??” Please know that I am inspired by you. Knowing that you are going about your work, not allowing the wheelchair to hold you back, IS inspiring! I believe others feel the same. So you GO, GO, GO, GIRL!!! I am inspired by you
I thank you for sharing your story.

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Lori Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 7:16 am

@Rebecca Nemow, Hi Rebecca! I wrote to you and conscequently others wrote to me. This is one that I received and she asked me to pass it on to you. God Bless. Hi Lori !

my name is oneness ,angie marie.my English is going better ,i am from Austria and live in Zimbabwe.
i cant reply to rebecca ,thats wy i go to you.
maby you can connect to Rebbecca ,thanks.

To Rebecca…!!!!

Rebecca ,how do you want to serve others ?
with lacking faith ?
being lonely …very fearful….being depressed …?????
sorry kids ,you have to wait a little bid.
your angel Rebecca is coming soon.

Rebecca ,the spiritual Being is forever first,make up what you want from your live in your mind.
you only can go one way,its your way.
talks only words you want it to happen .
control your mind.

Rebecca ,you never can be lonely ,god is holding your hand.
there is nothing to fear,….only your words what you speak .make you fear…
you and only you is the master of your life ,it is our birthright and nobody can take it away from you.

we are forever complete and blessed .

thank you Lori ,maby you can pass it to Rebecca.

to myself……:

My Life have been very hard until i made up my mind to the better.

I am 60 years young and love my live.
if you want to hear from me more write me back.

send you my love and light

oneness angie marie Hamet
P.S. She also sent some beautiful pics of her with Children. I’d like to send to you.

[Reply]

sue Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 7:19 am

@Lori, Hi, I am 59 years young and too love my life. I have recently jumped off the cliff of my comfort zone and filed for divorce after 27 years of marriage. I have given up my marriage,home,job and moved 250miles away to start another chapter in my wonderful life. With the help and support of my 5 adult children i have now found my inner peace and enjoying viewing sue’s life as it takes on new experiences. Life is meant to be joyous and i am enjoying ( in joy ing) mine.
love & blessings
Sue

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Georgia Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 5:16 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,
I teach chair yoga to seniors and with great ideas and enthusiasm you could do it from a chair..these sweet seniors are so in touch with their inner child…you would be teaching children.

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Mel Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 10:49 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Your name brings back the story of Rebecca’s marriage to Isaac a child of promise.

I has a similar conflict like yours where the inner war was driving me crazy. Fortunately, someone gave me a gift: A book by Lee Stroebel called “The Case for Faith” that finally put that war to an end. It impacted my life so much that I bought his other books and life has not been the same since.

I hope it does that for you too.

Alwysbetru

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berta Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 10:58 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Morning Rebecca – just wanted to drop you a line that I hope will help you in your struggle and your feeling of being alone – there is a Christian Lady named Joni (not Joni Lamb, although she is one of my favorites) on one of the Christian t.v. stations is also confined to a wheelchair and has helped thousands of people bound to wheelchairs – she also has amazing stories on how God uses people that are wheelchair bound and have overcome Satan’s attempts to bind people by taking away their use of limbs – another extremely inspirational story on how God can glorify in this world by using those that we would assume would give up hope is “Nick Vujcic” – his website – “Life Without Limbs.org would lift your heart and your hopes more so than anything or anyone I have ever come across – I hope that this will give you a different outlook on your own life – from the words out of shaw shank redemption – You can get busy living or you can get busy dying – it’s our choice!!!! Just be sure to make the right choice for your life. Have a Wonderful Day!!! God can use you in so many ways if you will only allow him too!!!! God Bless you – Rebecca

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beverly Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 12:53 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,

hello rebecca — being grateful that we have eyes to see, beautiful minds, & hands that can use a computer -

– god bless our computers and our internet connections — so that we all can communicate with you and one another — what a blessing!

with these words in mind: there are two websites i can suggest:

1) ramtha.com

2) johnofgod.com

with joyous blessings, i remain at your finger tips and one of many answers to your prayers –

-lovingly -beverly

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Sharon Nusunginya Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

@Rebecca Nemow, I wish you well. I can understand your frustrations and limitations. I had a massive stroke March 16, 2007 because of improperly handled stress and have not been able to walk or drive since that time. I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 months between four different hospitals.
A doctor told my husband that I would never walk again but I intend to walk into his office soon to show him that he was not correct in his prediction. I now use two canes but by golly, I am able to already do much more than he thought possible! I am also able to use only one but don’t yet feel steady enough with just the one cane.

I am on the computer now many hours a day trying to communicate with other people. I am taking a health coaching course over the phone and computer. I am determined to do as best as I can to help other people and refuse to dwell on the inabilities that could easily hold me back.

I hope this gives you a bit of inspiration to realize there are many of us out there.

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Sheila Duhart Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:12 am

@Rebecca Nemow,

Hi Rebecca,

I was saddened to hear that being confined to the wheelchair 90% of the time does not inspire you. I can tell by the fact that you are still going to school that you have dreams, hopes and obviously something of value to share. One of my best friends, the one person now who inspires me the most I only met 4 months ago. She has cerebral palsy, has never been out of wheelchair and she is my supervisor. She is the happiest little lady I have seen in a long time and she’s one of the most dedicated workers there. She’s a real source of light in my life as I am dealing with depression and other things. The funny thing is, she has been through a lot herself and there are things that make her cry, but she’s comfortable opening up to me and usually I am there to comfort her so she appreciates me as much as I do her. I believe we were intentionly placed together for such a time as this.

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Hayley Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 1:23 am

@Rebecca Nemow,
Good Morning Sunshine, Just know that you have inspired me!! And you are never lonely – as the spirit lives in YOU, get to know the spirit that lives in you….’they are AWESOME’. I LOVE YOU LOTS.

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Kevin Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 8:49 am

@Rebecca Nemow, I am so glad that I am not the only person on this planet that is not going to settle .
I am going to get what I deserve .
Long live FREE THOUGHT.
Long live ACTION .
Long live me and Long Live YOU …. til YOU are !!!

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nia dia Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 8:36 am

@Rebecca Nemow, my jouney began 6 years ago when in 24 hours my life changed dramatically, my wealth,friends, family,and relationships all went crazy. today, i am grateful they did because without the conflict i would not have grown. I know all these things will flow in my direction again i just hve to want it

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Connie Pearson Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:52 pm

@Rebecca Nemow, the beauty is you have started your spiritual journey towards the truth of who you really are…a child of God! There are no limitations or lack in God. Everything you’ll need or desire to reach your goal is already provided for you. All you have to do is accept your good! I would like to recommended a wonderful book by H. Emilie Cady called “Lessons in Truth.” You can read the book online at:
http://newthoughtlibrary.com/cadyEmilie/lessonsInTruth/lessons_002.htm

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Connie Pearson Reply:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:11 am

@Rebecca Nemow, I saw this inspiring video and thought of you today. I hope you enjoy it and feel inspired also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI

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Desiree de Cleves Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 6:33 am

@Rebecca Nemow, Rebecca, for what it is worth, you are in my prayers and will be.
I too am confined to a wheelchair. I encourage others, I pray for them, I love on them. It blesses me.

I roll around the neighborhood every day, I have had two neighbors actually come up to me and tell me what an encouragement I am to them, what a blessing. That blesses me.

I encourage you to think positive things…

I encourage you to find an outlet that brings you life. Me, I found writing. I journal, and write books. I am a published author as well. This outlet brings me life.

Blessings,
Desiree

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Gertrude Reply:
November 26th, 2009 at 9:17 am

@Rebecca Nemow,

Hi, i believe you should rethink your thinking as far as your wheelchairconfinement goes. I would not know about when you could not speak for instance. Suffering from prenatal ptsd ones energy is most important.
Depression can be easily beaten by the right kind of food and supplements.
Curious what science of mind is.

kind greetings

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Lisa turk Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 6:56 pm

@Rebecca Nemow,
Dear Rebecaa I also do not live far from you and wanted to let you know that you can e-mail me or facebook me. I too am looking for personal and spiritual fulfillment. I applaud your determination and actions. You should be very proud of yourself. Contact me if you wish, maybe we could have lunch.Lisa Turk fredlisagold2gmail.com

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Lucy Mauterer Reply:
May 15th, 2010 at 11:52 am

@Rebecca Nemow, Hi Rebecca, WHO told you that your sitting in a wheelchair does not inspire confidence in you? How DARE they suggest such a thing! Children are so curious and accepting that they will be intrigued by your unconventional conveyance. I used to take my young children years ago to a nursing home where my aunt lived, confined to a wheelchair from a massive stroke. She could not speak or walk, or move her hand and foot on one side. This did not stop her niece and nephew from running into the nursing home, running up and down the halls until they located their Aunt Lolo and jumping all over her with gladness to see her. All she could do was laugh and laugh. It didn’t matter to them that she couldn’t speak. Then they went to many of the other rooms, visiting and greeting other patients, without any judgement or concern. The staff loved it when we came and the patients loved to watch the children and talk with them.

You will become a beloved counsellor. I am 100% certain of that. Keep connecting with others like you have on this blog. You are ALREADY inspiring folks with confidence.

I feel blessed to have shared a communication with you.

Love,

Lucy

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Hi Chris

Some incidents which shook me with shock and despair made me realise that my path was more inclined to Spirituality as I love to live in the moment, with constant awareness and discovery of truth for my existence. And also my life goal is to reach eternity.

Now comes the conflict with materilistic life, I am not able to bring equilibrium between relationships ( my closest ones-family)professions( basically I am a Social Worker) and I always feel that I should earn for my livelihood independently and not become a burden to others. I am being encountered with many doubts and fears, so pls let me get access to all your expereinces

Lalitha

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 am

Lalitha,

Thank you for taking the time to share your story; I will continue to share mine with you, and I hope that what I share is of help to you in re-writing your story in alignment with your heart’s desires.

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm

@Lalitha, The desire not to be a burden is common and a rejection of the needed support from others. Self sabotage.

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Jeanne Meger Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 7:34 pm

@Lalitha,
You may get help from EFT. I found it recently. Check out EFT International.com. Alisha’s comment refers to EFT also. It is awesome and literally right at your fingertips. I have the video and the book. Happy tapping. You will get relief and be at peace. Everyone is on their own spiritual path. That is why God made so much available for growing in spirit-mind-body. Tapping is self-generating. Check out the articles and learn tapping for others. Knowledge of spirit grows and grows as we expand our search. Just call me Granny. When I was ten, I remember searching for the answer to “What is truth?” Now I know truth is personal to the individual. So we find what is our path to truth. Journalling is truly a strong method. I thank Chris Cade for reminding me. Shall you creat a journal of gratitude, Lalitha? It is a real choice. I for one choose to write my story. I have a box of writings and prayers to go through. There are times I am compelled to write what is on my mind. I need to leave my thoughts to my sons so they know me now, not after I have passed over. Here is another stress reducer that President Kennedy used in the Oval Office in the White House: Put your feet up on a desk or something so they are higher than your head. Lie back and relax and deep breathe. You can also imagine being out somewhere in nature, at a place you find refreshing and comfortable, like a beach or a mountain glen. 15-20 minutes in a relaxing state is the equivalent of a 4 hour nap! I find the time well spent and refreshing spiritually and physically. Blessing on your endeavors.

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Heidi Demer Reply:
August 7th, 2009 at 10:22 am

@Lalitha, A powerful modality that developed out of EFT is Quantum Techniques at http://www.quantumtechniques.com. Core conflicts can be quickly cleared via Quantum Techniques. I personally am engaging in a core reprogramming of DNA through the folks at http://www.phoenixregenetics.org. I am experiencing a clearing of ancient and not-so-ancient patterns. The goal is Conscious Personal Mastery of which I feel I am clearly on the path of coming into that expression. I was personally attracted to engage in Quantum Techniques for rapid shifts. But, then muscle testing kept telling me that if I would be patient the Phoenix Regenetics would bring me the results I deeply desire. And, it is! I think which avenue to choose of all the possibilities available depends on what you find resonance with(ie. feel drawn to) Let me know if you check out these resources. I’ll be happy to share more. demerhm@aol.com Heidi

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Hello Chris,Thankyou for the connection.I’m not ready to tell my story today,as I always get emotional,however I’m listening and watching and appreciate the connection. Alma

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 am

Alma,

Thank you for taking the time to comment and connect!

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:14 pm

@alma, Emotion – good. Repressed emotion – poison.

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I am a therapist, healer, spiritual path follower and teacher – my focus is in helping families and children wih behavioural problems – I have just returned from a very promising project in the South West of England, which won an internatonal award for its vision.

I spent a year developing this with a team of colleagues and had a business partner who was a friend and colleague and shared my vision,

The translation of this into a reality was there was a different agenda playing and a swift change of cards in the game by the business partner, when i was out of the way back in the Midlands attending my mother’s deathbed and funeral a few weeks ago.

On my return a hate campaign intensified against me – challenging every part of me to see beyond the conflict, to the pain of the childhood patterns of the people concerned and how that was projecting into the situation creating a dynamic – giving me further understanding into my life’s work and soul path, not to mention my own personal healing process.

I have now returned, healing the emotional and financial bruises from a venture that on the surface was a failure, to honour the direction in which it is now taking me – cementing a success on my mission!

Writing my story through coming across your video has lifed me high enough out of the compost to smell the roses around me!!!

Thank you
Lin

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:03 am

Lin,

I’m so grateful that my video was able to be an inspiration to you! Especially at such a challenging time in your life.

Please continue to keep us posted how your new direction takes you

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm

@Lin, Like the silver lining in the darkest cloud, every challenge brings with it, the seeds of multiple blessings.

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Ann Lewis Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Lin,

I so identify with what you describe.

I am an alternative medical practitioner, spiritual teacher to some and pupil of many spiritual teachers. I had a similar experience in the North of England working in a centre for emotional education which purported to be committed to living in community.

Their was a lot of judgement, codependence and over-working and I found the experience profoundly painful and also immensely growthful and necessary.

I, like you, have learned that conflict is the spur to my growth. I have also found that if I desire to be shown what I need to have in my awareness and turn to face this process fully, then the lessons flow.

My grandmother told me all my life,
‘God fits the back to match the task’ and I have never been given anything I cannot cope with. This experience at the Centre for Emotional Education pushed me to my limits though.

A power greater than me has acted in my life to wake me up in the gentlest way possible. These experiences have only ever been as painful as they needed to be, in order to get me to focus on matters in which I needed greater awareness.

Thanks for your story Lin.

Love and blessings

Ann

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Lin Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:44 am

@Ann Lewis,
Hi Ann how kind of you to take the time to reply to my story… you know it’s strange that teachers have the most to learn that is why they become teachers – i guess spiritual teachers have the need to learn most – would love to know how you moved through your experience at the centre of emotional healing and what you do now. What an amazing idea this site is to connect people with similar expereinces and insights!
my email is lin@holisticeducationaltherapy.co.uk

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hey there chris,

interesting idea you have. i actually thought you meant conflict with other people is good! inner conflict is different all together

its funny because when you said to write one of my stories to share, i instantly thought of a bunch of bad/negative stories about myself.
i think that is the essence of my problem. making up stories that shine a bad light on myself.
i never used to do that. it was something i learned at school and from my parents i think.
“always doubt yourself” was what was constantly drilled into my head.

i’m 27 now and i’m re-learning to trust my intuition, be more positive in my self-talk and live in the moment.
it’s working well sofar!

steve

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 am

Steve,

What a blessing for you to be aware of your self-talk and to see what paths it is taking you! We all have stories about ourselves, and we all have the opportunity to re-write those stories.

I wish you well on your continued path of re-learning to trust your intuition, of paying attention to and transforming your self talk, and of being present in the moment. That combination is a recipe for the joy and peace you’re clearly continuing to experience more and more.

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:31 pm

@steve, Once our eyes have opened, it is so much easier to remain on the path.

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Hi Chris

My name is Fred and I’m a 21 year old from Sweden. Even though I’m fairly young I believe I’ve entered the path of my spiritual journey. I’ve had a eating disorder since I was 16 years old and I’m still severely underweight. I know what I want and what I have to do but still have a really hard time gaining weight. I seem to get stopped by fear. As soon as I face my fears and take a step forward, my fears pull me back and take me to square one. I know that I’m the only one who can make a change and make things better. I also know that I have full responsibility for my thoughts and my actions. But nevertheless I would love to have some advice and maybe just some friendly support through my way to full recovery. Because I know I can do it!

That’s a brief summary of a much bigger story but I’ll hope it will do.

Many thanks!

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 am

Fred,

Overcoming doubts and fears is one of the most challenging conflicts we will ever experience in our lives – that’s why I work so much with that topic within Inscribe Your Life.

I discovered that the conflicts I had with writing directly translated into other aspects of my life, and vice-versa.

Have you read the leaked chapter, ‘Overcoming Doubts and Fears’? Check it out! It may help you uncover some more wisdom to pique your curiosity further.

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm

@Fred, We are born fearless and totally trusting. We are then taught fear by those who love us, to protect us from trouble. Love trumps fear. Look at your baby pictures. Love the person in the pictures. See what happens.

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karie Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 2:00 am

@Fred, Have you ever considered past lives? It sounds like a part of you wants to remember a confict for growth, like Chris says, and thus is bringing that past “state” very clearly into your awareness! Blessings and Best of luck in your inner discoveries–it’s quite a journey, and quite worth it!

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I’m a mother of three teenagers and I’ve sought out spiritual growth right through my life. I’ve always felt I’ve owed God and life itself, a little more than an average person, since discovering that I had almost died as a baby and it was considered a miracle that I had survived. Friends and outsiders thought I had it all, never knowing my burdains. The hardest of these was living with epilepsy singe 19 years of age. That’s a whole story in itself!

Six years ago, after having grown immune to almost all medications and high doses not working, and for many years never going more than about twelve days without a seisure, I underwent brain surgery with the removal of the front half of the left temporal lobe. I’ve found the cross I bear a heavier burdain since then, too complex to describe! That could be a book in itself too.

I have to admit, though, that it is in difficulty that I am stretched to my limits and grow! The movies we love are those that show toil and torment, tears and gut laughter. I also believe that we cannot have true sympathy for others until we’ve felt it ourselves!

Maybe I can graduate at the end of my life, having experienced it to the full, with a sizable capacity for love, understanding, humility and wisdom. I truly hope so!

N

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:49 am

Hi Nicole,

It’s wonderful to hear your story – I cannot even imagine the complexity which your burden has challenge has brought into your life – And what a delightful miracle to be able to see your conflict as a blessing!

You have a heart’s desire, yes? Then maybe… there is no maybe about it

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Sawn Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 am

@Nicole,
wow Nicole we have similar stories- although I started to have Grand-mal seizures when I was pregnant with my second daughter, so that was all the children I could have. My episodes began when I was fifteen and by the time I went into surgery, I was on 17 daily pills while still siezing 6-8 times a day. It was not fun. I was lucky though, mine were coming from the right temporal lobe. They removed scar tissue from a car accident. To be siezure free after all those years has been such a blessing. I still have to be careful not to get too stressed out, or I’ll sieze- this is something that my husband still doesn’t understand. But I praise God everyday for all the blessings he has given me.

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Nicole Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:30 pm

@Sawn, I’m not sure that stress has to now lead to a siezure because I’ve been more stressed out in latter years due to our moving counries and many other things on the family front. No siezure has happened… thanks be to God! How long ago was your opp?

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:50 pm

@Nicole, You have no debt as a result of your survival. You have a life purpose. You have suggested it might be a book. Write it.

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Hi Chris,

I have begun awakening via the gates of suffering. I was a quite self-centered person, married and owning a business that my wife and I worked together in. In the mid-1990s, this business failed and in the midst of the perceived, self-assessed enormity of this failing, my stress levels went through the roof. The veneer of my personality was worn so thin that I became the anger/rage/stress/trauma that my dad shared with me when I was six. My wife became clinically depressed and I asked the Universe to help me really understand suffering, and shortly thereafter slipped into co-dependence and my own situational depression. Divorce followed, and then a three year period of settling back into myself and grappling with the theme of redemption. I was speaking to a new friend about this theme at the time and he suggested I read the book “The Sparrow” and the sequel, and, in living in the shoes of this main character, through the deepest of grief and ultimately this characters transformation, I bottomed out and came to forgive myself. It was at that time that I asked the Universe to “Enable me to see suffering for what it really is”. A week or so later I signed up for eHarmony and about a month later I became infused with a deeply spiritual sense of Abundance. “Abundance” in this case was invoked when I entered into a sacred relationship, a spirit of fellowship/friendship for inquiry and discovery, without holding on to any outcome”. I connected to a number of lovely women in eHarmony and thus this Abundance in telling my story as truthfully as I could at the time continued to generate this deep sense of Abundance. I have now been in a relationship with one particular woman for 20 months. At the same time, this spring/summer, I dove deeply into my subconscious and, with assistance, found surrender with the trauma my dad shared with me when I was six. I am seeing that this trauma (being annihilated by my Dad) drove me deeply into my mind as a child, and this created self-defensive mind armor, as well as first-strike proactive offensive habitual behaviors. In a dream of my dad this spring, I am on the deck of a ship, gleefully greeting my colleagues and my dad’s name is called, but he does not appear. I walk down flights of stairs and find him and say “Dad, why don’t you come on up and join in the celebrations”. He looks up at me, with a big grin and says “Son, I can’t. I’m too busy rewriting the infrastructure programming”. We hug and I awaken in a lucid state, with huge inhalings and exhalings, like my lungs and chest and working for both me and my dad and I stay in this state for fifteen minutes or so. Shortly thereafter, I award my Dad 100 points (previously I had been so generous  as to award him 95 points – not quite the perfect dad, so after this dream I felt everything that occurred (”to me”) was precisely how it should be (”for me”) and that the whole package of my relationship with my dad was my gift, part of the inherited legacy of being indoctrinated into the world, into the consciousness of the human condition at this stage of conscious evolution. So, even with this surrender to my father as the main character in my story, I still have conflict and I still resort to (more subtle) spillings-of- aggression into my external world, so there are, alive withing my subconscious, these infrastructure programs that promote conflict, see the world through judgement and feel justified in promoting external manipulation. My dream points me to “Rewriting my infrastructure Programming” and I have taken to writing as a way to allow myself to see my subconscious in motion. I believe that your forthcoming training and process will be of value to the various experimenting and process creation I am engaged in, so I’ll be looking forward to sharing insights as well as some humor and warmth of fellowship as we open up to sharing the human condition of conflict and what it ultimately covers over and obscures . What a wonderful way to peek into our personal as well as the transpersonal Mystery that completely surrounds, permeates and flows through each of us. I admire your commitment to transparency of awareness through story-telling.

Cheers,

Howard

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 am

Howard,

What you’ve shared has so many insights in it, I wish others to take the time and read your story.

I remember when I was beginning my journey, people told me that a lot of our thoughts and behaviors come from our parents and our childhood. I didn’t believe them… mostly because I didn’t want to.

Then as time went on, as I moved down my spiritual journey, I found this to not only be true, also a blessing as you’ve discovered.

I look forward to sharing more with you, and I wish for you that you continue to discover and uncovering more!

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Howard Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 am

Dear Chris and All, My current awareness of conflict is that it contains both polar spectrums, the positive and the negative. Sri Aurobindo’s book Growing Within refers to these as “contrary pairs”. Part of my work is to internalize these bi-polar pairs, allow the conflict, feel into the paradox and work to harvest what happens in the stillness as our spirit transforms agitation into [pausing here to bypass spiritual mumbo gumbo platitudes ... a broader/deeper shift in inner perspective and an inner attitudinal shift that allows a clear seeing, a vote for allowing it all to exist, all the energy, all the animation within us, to just flow, sometimes like a raging current, sometimes like a gentle trickle].

Surrender to it all, knowing that your deeper integrity, [your body is in your soul (oops, some spiritual vocabulary snuck in - forgive me), will provide you with intuitive guidance to step out of the path of the excessive abuse patterns -- to gain some space and perspective].
In community, such as this, we are reminded of the deep bonds of fellowship and the abundance of spirit that we can rest in to gain clarity, heal and recover our wildest, vital sense of self.

Howard

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karie Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 2:23 am

@Howard, are you sure you are not my husband?
You described him perfectly…he used words of conflict for an armor. I am always tip-toeing around him so I don’t “say the wrong thing” and trigger a contentious response. Through my conflict with him I have definately become stronger, but have also been becoming numb, and don’t like being around him at all. How can I help us re-write our relationship together? I used to re-write it the first ten years in my head where I said NO to marrying him! Then I woke up to spirit and found my own soul. But now I just mostly feel sad for his being locked up so tight in a ball of hurt. How can I help him? OR can I? Suggestions?

Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:06 pm

@Howard, Great Story! Thanks for sharing. Every day for 1 week, upon arising, say to yourself out loud, today, I will judge nothing. Remind yourself throughout the day and catch yourself when breaking your word. Judgment is only a habit.

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Howard Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:25 pm

@Ed Howes,
Spot-on ED!

Howard

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Hi Chris
I am 69 years old. My husband and I have been married for 42 years -we have two daughters and a son. We were born and raised in South Africa and moved to the States in September 2006. Our oldest daughter and our son (who is the youngest) married Americans and started families of their own. We did not get to see them very often so decided to move here to address this problem. We live in Albuquerque NM and absolutely LOVE it. The people here are awesome and we have made some very good friends. My spiritual journey started when I was 15 and has stuttered along in fits and starts until about two months ago when I started getting fantastic e-mails from all over the world. Your e-mail is the answer to a section in my mind movie – which I am still working on!! How’s that for a quick manifestation to a prayer?! It’s not even complete so I haven’t been
watching it in it’s entirety yet. I have just been awarded a diploma in writing for children and teens and wanted to persue this seriously and along comes your e-mail. WOW!!
I am looking forward to hearing more from you.
Kind regards and thanks
Meg

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 am

Wow Meg! Thanks for sharing your story – that sure is a quick manifestation How delightful about writing for childrens and teens, also – it’s such an important demographic to reach and empower. Just as you look forward to hearing more, I look forward to sharing more!

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Wow Chris, What an interesting concept to help us evolve!

My hat’s…ok, I am a wife and mother of two great children. I am a Realtor and business owner too. I am seeking my purpose if there is such a thing I am not sure?! I am a distant learning student to get my MBA.

I am 47 year old, over weight women. I want that to change (the weight that is). It AFFECTS everything about me in a negative way. Everytime I try to lose the extra fat I fail so I have stopped trying and have gained more fat now.

I think the loftious (most spiritual)thing we can do is accept ourselves for who we are, “but” this is not easy when we do not like certain aspects of ourselves. I am learning the physical or material world is just an outward expression of an inward (mind) condition. I am working on that!

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 am

Denise,

I can totally relate to you on the whole ‘acceptance’ thing – my experience has also been that the more I learn to accept myself as I am, the quicker I am able to change and transform the aspects of myself that I want to change.

It’s not intuitive, and yet, it’s exactly what is needed. Continue to hold onto your heart’s wishes, cherish them, and they will lead you to a path of joy even if that path is through conflict.

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Ali Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm

@Denise, Have you tried EFT to help you with your food/eating challenges? I did and it really stopped me from eating ice cream by the ton. (I could eat 1.5 gallon of the stuff in less than 2 days before practicing the tapping of EFT and now, I don’t even buy 1/2 gallons. I go out for an occassional cone and I am more than satisfied. EFT is so easy to do. You can do it for yourself. Some therapists are now trained in it. Would suggest you look at trying EFT –www.EmoFree.com
which stands for emotional freedom technique. Good stuff. Get the book “Try It on Everything” and the video– TryItOnEverything.com–tells you how to do it and even shows pictures. Also, EFTMastersWorldwide.com

Definitely worth a look and a try. Can’t hurt.
Blessings,
Ali

[Reply]

Denise Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

@Ali, Thanks for replying. I am new to EFT and do not know what to say with the tapping. I could start with my biggest addiction “Pepsi”! I will check out the sites you suggested.

With much gratitude,
Denise

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Little Miss World Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 10:17 am

@Denise,

EFT is a great way to start a program but sometimes you just might need some other help. If you are really serious about losing the weight and you want to do it properly, you should look into a CHEK Practitioner. You can find them on CHEKconnect.com. They are worldwide. Except for Asia at this moment. I would love to help you. I am not practicing at the moment. I am in China currently following my dreams of world travel and writing. If you would like more information send me a quick message and I will send you my email.

I am a mother of a 22 year old and a 16 year old. When I turned 35 or so, I realized that my other half was speaking to me in a manner that most probably would consider verbal abuse. That day is a day that I like grew up and decided to speak up when things were not said in a nice way. Well, long story short….I must confess that I did have an affair 5 years ago and have tried everything to fix the marriage but the other has done absolutely nothing. There is much more, but I have now turned my focus to my church and my faith.

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm

TexChic,

I can only imagine how much you must have learned from these conflicts and challenges! Relationships can be so difficult, and many of the actions we or others take in relationships are from a place within ourselves that we don’t always fully understand.

So many people who have had affairs say, “I don’t know why I did it” – and though other people often don’t believe them when it happens, it is the truth.

Sometimes in relationships we do things… and we just don’t know why. It takes a lot of courage to own up to the aspects of our past that we may not be proud of. Thank you for sharing.

[Reply]

TexChic Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm

@Chris Cade, Thank you for showing people how to speak to each other in a loving manner; the way God wants us to be. It can be hard to walk in love when others treat you so unfairly, but it must be done.

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I entered into a relationship with a woman who was abused by her mother. Everything but sexual abuse. Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, isolation, restriction, physical abuse (being smashed into walls). I thought my now mother-in-law was a tyrant, but now I know that she is abusive. The “level” of abuse has always revealed itself to me just after I become prepared for it. For example, had I know that my now mother-in-law smashed my wife into the wall by grabbing her by the hair while she was putting on her eyeliner (because it was “taking too long”), well, honestly, I probably would have been unwilling to continue my relationship with, let’s call her Stacey.

So, Stacey only remembered or revealed particular things about her past after we got married. For example, she hogged, and I mean hogged the sheets our first winter as a married couple. I woke up freezing, night after night, and tried to dig out the sheets from under my wife (she totally wrapped herself in the sheet). A few winters later, I asked my wife, if her mother had yanked the sheets off of her, and then my wife remembered, “yes, my mom would come in and yank all the sheets off of me and ask me stupid stuff like where is my purple comb at 2AM in the morning on school nights. She would not let me go to sleep until we found her brush. She would say I stole it. She would yank off all my sheets and my comforter and yell at me.” It started happening less, and when I came up with the idea of keeping extra sheets on my side of the bed, it stopped happening.

My wife is able to give the sheets back to me while she is sleeping now.

When we dated, my wife’s sister had two kids. When we babysat, we were like model parents. We went to fairs, were responsible, and had a lot of fun. I thought that’s what life with my wife would be like. My wife’s sister lives in poverty, begs and I mean begs off of her father, abuses her children, and screams a whole lot.

My wife and I have potential synergies that could make us a very powerful and wealthy couple. However, the moment we got married, something happened. To me, it was like my wife got a license to abuse, and not a marriage license.

From her pushing me around in the mornings and saying “excuse you,” to the verbal abuse, to her complete unwillingness to keep her promises, a schedule, a budget, or make money…we basically fought all the time. I kept and unfortunately still repeat “what about our original promise to one another, what about working together and cooperating like we said we would before we got married, what about your promise to x, what about the schedule we set for the day, what about our rent…”

Stacey, my wife (that’s a made-up name), simple tunes me out, or negates me, or diverts. She generally does not allow me to finish my thoughts or my sentences. She talks about herself herself her ideas her thoughts, and when it’s time for follow-through, it’s just not there.

She seems to be trying. I’ve now discovered what verbal and emotional abuse are. It’s actually a very simple situation, as destructive as it is.

Things escalated to my almost physically abusing my wife. At one point, I took her by the hips and put her into a soft chair. At another, I threw her into our bed and made punching motions above her head. I did not hit her, and I am grateful that I had enough control. Her verbal abuse was so cutting, so awful, so asphyxiating.

That is when I found out how bad the physical abuse was in my wife’s past. I told my wife that, even if she “wanted” it, I would not physically abuse her. There is a way a person can move that incites violence. My wife can speak and make physically challenging motions that raise the level of aggression. She’d jut her head forward, she’d speak spitefully and then walk out the room, she’d interrupt before I could formulate a thought, she’d block me from moving a little bit away from her, she’d touch me in ways that make me uncomfortable…and a good 5 years ago now, I simply told my wife that that phase in our life was over. Done. Period. And praise the heavens, it has been, at least from my side.

During a happier wave, we had a daughter, and I can say that we are raising her quite well, despite our difficulties.

Still, my mother-in-law physically abused me every day when she came to help with the birth of our daughter. She punched me. She threatened me with a broomstick, with knives, with scissors.

I did some counseling about my wife’s verbal abuse and was told that when my wife became verbally abusive, that I could leave our home with our daughter to let my wife cool down.

The first time I tried that, my wife hit me…twice. I called the police. Because the “system” is so geared towards men abusing women, the only thing that kept me from going to jail was the big red welt on my forehead.

Since then, my wife and I are in counseling, and our financial well being has totally plummeted. I am a service-oriented person, and I do a lot of helpful work for people.

I am holding onto the notion that my marriage is to be salvaged. I see my wife “trying” to get a grasp on abuse, and our counselor is saying that things will work out if we stay disciplined.

It’s just that it’s been really really tough. I haven’t even told my own mother about the incident when my wife punched me.

While I understand that I did throw my wife onto our bed, it was after so much verbal abuse, and the aggressive body language is tough to respond to in peace…but I never ever have caused any kind of welt or bruising on my wife. She’s bitten me (causing bruises), she’s punched me, she pushes me around almost every day, and she often hugs me (out of love) in a way that bends my neck to the point where it really hurts. I’ve now learned to get out her way, and 5 years ago, I ended any kind of retaliation.

So here I am, partially “to blame,” or maybe wholly to blame for everything. Spiritual advisors say I create everything in my reality.

I meditated intensely for my marriage, and it shifted radically. When I stopped, it snapped back. To me that meant that my wife is simply pulling our relationship in another direction. I wish for our marriage to be pure. I do not want to coerce her in any way. Therefore her decision to abuse is hers. If I meditate to “take that away,” then am I being true to her inner will?

So, I am loyal, and I love my daughter.

Imagine the horror of attempting to divorce my wife, who is beautiful and expresses herself well. Imagine my trying to gain custody of my daughter. Who will believe me? My wife has actually threatened to take our daughter away so that I never see her again, and passing that off to “my wife is triggered because she was emotionally abused” only works for so long.

So, here’s the thing. It makes sense for me to “rewrite” this story with all the “conflict” as resolved and in the past. I may just do that. For now, it’s here as I feel it now. I do deeply wish for the abuse to end and I deeply deeply wish to come into harmonious synergy with my wife.

When and how do I draw the boundary? When is enough enough? It is simply not acceptable for me to stay married to someone who needs me to threaten to leave, in order for her to make a change. Ideally, her accommodating me would be as easy as it is for me to accommodate her…and proceeding in ways that work for both of us would be desirable for her. Currently, there is very little in our apartment, our finances, our schedule, etc. that I directly influence or really even find acceptable. She generally flips a lid if I try to hang a picture or figure out a way for us to do our laundry without having clothes all over the place…

So, there it is folks. I usually stand behind my experiences. I usually reveal who I really am. However, this time, I absolutely never will.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm

AnonymousFather,

Were it not for my wife threatening to divorce me, I’d have not found my spiritual path when I did… and we would not be exchanging ideas today.

Sometimes our heart’s desires must be expressed in ways that create immediate conflict in the lives of the people we care most about. Not always true, but sometimes true.

I cannot answer the questions you pose, but rather, I can only offer my own experiences as insight.

For me, I have found that instead of using the words “create my reality” I prefer “responsible for my experience.” It allows me the freedom to understand that things may happen to me that I didn’t want nor expect, and that I have the choice how I proceed forward.

Sometimes, me wishing well for others or meditating for their well-being has had meaningful impacts in my life and relationships with them. Sometimes it has felt useless.

All I can offer is to remain curious and stay in connection with your heart. It has answers, it has wisdom, and it has its own fears that need to be acknowledged.

[Reply]

Jeff Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 10:15 pm

@Chris Cade, thank you so much for clarifying “create my reality” vs. “responsible for my experience.” This is something that really resonates with me. I can’t accept a lot of law of attraction type stuff that claims babies who die of SIDS or holocaust victims (to name just two examples) “chose” or “created” their situation. To me, that is just plain wrong. More and more, I am coming to see that the freedom we each possess to mold the individual meanings we give to our lives and the ways we view our experiences is what is awesome.

[Reply]

Sunny Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:16 pm

@AnonymousFather,

I just wanted to comment to Anonymous Father and say him that I commend you for being a husband who really tries to see the truth, and who speaks the truth. Your situation, like many of us, has some challenges and sometimes as married people (there’s one label, ha!) we have to do what seems like more than our share of “work” in the relationship! (especially when it feels like the other is doing sooooo much less at times). Anyway I hope you update us here in the future as to how things go for you….your story just reminded me somewhat of me, and how sometimes I wonder “did I create these experiences (conflicts) and does that mean it’s up to me to fix them?” Or do I hold the other accountable? Meditate? Work on myself? Just love my partner? Etc etc etc I will continue to work on me, but I’m telling you, sometimes I’d just like to say screw the whole thing and start over. Which has never solved anything, in my past experiences. And the world turns.

So just know that no matter what, one person appreciates what you’ve written here (and what many others have written here too!). I think this is a great site and a great idea Chris, and I look forward to seeing what else you post here.

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 pm

@AnonymousFather, IF your wife would be willing to join you for one hour each day, listening to rain through headphones, she can be healed of all her pain and anger. Holosync is audio guided meditation that takes us deep into delta brainwaves which are the most healing and can rarely be achieved through traditional meditation. It will take time to undo the damage and if she is unwilling to do that much, you have to leave and take your daughter.

[Reply]

The Gnome Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 1:32 pm

@Ed Howes,WHOA, Brother; while I am Pleased that you obviously have many modalities available to you, & Appreciate your Willingness to Share those with the rest of us, HUGE red flags popped up in my mind/Heart/Spirit when I read your last line here! While we MAY offer optional vehicles for Growth, we may NOT assume that we Know ALL the surrounding circumstance of another’s Life & TELL them what they “HAVE to do”.

A.F. is TRYING his Best to not only Allow his Marriage to work, he is also trying to Assist his spouse in HER Growth, all at a HUGE price to himself. I Honor him & Commend him for his Efforts; he is Dealing with his Conflict as Positively as anyone possibly could!

So I ask you, my Brother Ed; Please DO continue offering Options, but at the same time, can you Please Think Carefully about the possible long-term ramifications of making such a judgement, based only on a brief portrait of a situatiion, before you start handing out “Imperatives”?

Blessings to you, & all who come to this site.

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm

@The Gnome, I say nothing without considering possible consequences. If half of a couple refuses to grow and make life miserable for others in the home, the price of tolerance is too high. There are valid reasons we had changes in divorce laws. Anonymous is fully capable of weighing possible consequences as well.

Saleena Ki Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 9:55 am

@AnonymousFather,
I remember a similar life. My father gave me the gift of scaring me out of my body when 4, then continuing to scare us for the rest of the time at home. My life turned into a combination of abuse and abuser. Through marriage, children, more marriage, more children, more relationships….from general critical undercurrents to outright horrible catastrophes, the patterns emerged & turned roles several times.

The greatest turning point in my life was when I looked in the mirror one day and realized it was me…for so long I projected it all on “them” and worked so hard to change “them” and life was soooo miserable & frustrating when they wouldn’t-couldn’t change. If only “they” would change, my life would be solved. I did leave one, and found another. It started happening again. I finally got it. The common factor was me! The only thing that remained the same was the patterns that emerged between us, and I was the common factor.

This sent me on my inner healing journey. It has been a constant for me and recently I found a most amazing technology that has made it all easier. It is called Ho’oponopono. This gave me an inner dialog, an inner response to conflict that works miracles every time. It is fairly simple. I am 100% respond-sible for everything that happens in my life since it is through my lens my reality is created. When life brings me feelings of conflict or distress about anything, if it bothers, upsets or causes me pain, it is a signal for me to clean. This gives me the power to do something immediately, no matter where I am.

I got this from an amazing man, Dr. Len Hew. Here is my summary of the tool:

There’s two ways to live:
Old repeating Memories or Inspiration
When “i” perceive anything as a problem,
in “i” or other,
inside or out,
I clean-clear it by saying:
“I’m Sorry. Forgive Me. Please Set Me Free. I Love You. Thank You.”
Over and over until my feeling
about whatever is up changes.
The I Love You comes at the end as a way of transmuting the energy that has just freed up.
This petitions Divinity-God-Universe-Creator
to neutralize the memory, then to remove it.
That leaves clear space: the void,
& that is when Inspiration can come in!
There is now room for it in me.
I Choose to Live by Inspiration,
So I CLEANCLEANCLEAN…
I Live in the Flow.
I Accept Sublime Health, Wealth, and Abundance.
I AM Peace.
http://www.hooponopono.org
http://hoopono.blogspot.com

The book that lead me to this is Return to Zero Point
http://www.amazon.com/Zero-Limits-Secret-Hawaiian-System/dp/0470402563/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1248532658&sr=8-1

This changed my life because I use it. It has been tricky at times to see how I am projecting the responsibility onto others and this tool constantly works every time. Miraculously! So often something happens in the world or comes into my personal life & awareness that upsets me. This gives me something immediately to do to change my feelings. The worst thing happened to me. I was so angry & hurt, I finally tucked myself away from everyone and did something with my hands to calm myself, then I repeat this over and over. This one took three hours and then it was gone! All the upset, all the charge and distress and obsessing on how the other had done me wrong… gone. Peace settled and I am different. My world has changed. the other never did as far as I can tell. They don’t affect me anymore.
Sometimes the “other” does change & that is a bonus.

The missing part of your story, a part yet to be discovered, is where you realize you are creating this and you have the power to do something right now to invite miraculous change.

It is amazing all the situations and senarios we create to gain experience.

I love storytelling, it is the foundation of my practice….it is my passion….it is such a powerful way to change my world.

I love all of you, & all your stories and believe every story is true. It is the most amazing journey to allow it all and seek for that which is most resonant with my own journey.

I thank everyone for their courageous sharing…

I use my art to share my stories.

http://www.vibrakeys.com
http://www.tranformationalart.com

Thank you Chris for giving us a place to share with each other. You are an Angel….

[Reply]

Well, let me try this … again…
I`m from Serbia (this should scare you away or something…) I`m 50, mother of 3 children… since we spent the last 20 years being in war, we had to learn a lot of stuff, like managing all kinds of situation no one could prepare us for. In order to survive we had to let all labels in our lives go and do the very best we had in us to get ourselves and our children to live through this time and stay healthy in body and soul. But, we were given labels and it is hard to overcome them… personally in my contacts with other people in other countries and to our children who can not understand what happened to us and our country our enviroment … so, we had a few conflicts to many. How do you generalize your theory? I really don`t understand someone pushing the world to the very edge of existence like this.

Best regards
Jane

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Hi Jane,

Being from Serbia does not scare me We all have our stories where we came from, where we are, and where we’re headed.

I couldn’t agree more with the challenges of letting go of the labels that others gives us, and that we give ourselves. And yet the ability to do just that is the cornerstone of personal freedom.

I couldn’t really answer how I generalize my theory – except to say that I stay present, curious, and assume that whatever is happening is for the best (even if I don’t necessarily feel that way).

[Reply]

AnyAllOrNone Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:57 pm

@Jane,
Hi Jane. I read your story with particular interest. It is a good prompt from which to start my story. I’m 2nd generation Serbian – born in the U.K to parents who were brought over as displaced persons after the 2nd World War. I absorbed and experienced this ‘displacement’ from the moment I could rationalise. In the U.K – I was always a ……. foreigner’ worse still a communist one. It made no difference that my parents could not return to Serbia because they were opposed to communism! I grew up in a bubble of being Serbian – I was an outsider. So a few years down the line, ,my first opportunity arrived to visit the homeland – what happened? ‘You’ re not a real Serb – you were born in the U.K. You don’t speak properly because you don’t have a Belgrade accent. You’re not really one of us because your father was opposed to communism’ This came not only from strangers – but from close family. So again a feeling of being ‘L’Etranger’ an outsider. In the U.k I’m a Serb in Serbia – I’m English! Fast forward a few years, great education, open mind, seeking to explore – what happens? very little that made me feel it was worthwhile – always the desire to continue growing, understanding. The only constant throughout all of this was my faith – my spirituality. I focussed on this as being my anchor – trying to find an identity for myself – free of nationality, politics, everything that I did not see as the essntial me – only facets of me that people chose to focus on. It worked well for a while then came the 90’s. The sheer horror of what happened in Yugoslavia as it fell apart (through the misuse of all the measures of identity i was trying to avoid about myself) – came flooding into my life. Suddenly I was no longer me – but I was a War criminal. Even though my faith would never have allowed me to accept violence under any provocation. Work colleagues of many years suddenly started leaving newspaper clippings of cruise missiles on my desk – inviting me to perform certain acts with them. So I changed the facet of what people perceived me to be – I became ‘pagliaci’ smiling on the outside, barely making it to the front door of my home before the tears flowed. O.K so I was percieved to be bad because I was identified by the lables of my origin and name. What about my ‘compatriots’ in the ever shrinking Serbia? the ones because of whom I was taking the heat in the U.K? that’s easy – ‘You’re not a real Serb because you didn’t live through 78 days of bombing!!! It took 41 years of life to establish to everyone that I was neither… nor… What was I during all this time? I was honest to being me – the person trying to transcend the meaningless labels mankind attaches to it’s members. What did this personal conflict of identity bring to me? a true undersatnding that no one person should ever be judged by race, creed, colour – but rather they should be accepted. It was the upbringing I had that made me feel this way from childhood – when you are born to parents who were liberated from German camps, who arrive in cattle wagons, barefooted – in a strange country that needs a labour force for industry; When you are born to parents who were stripped of eveything except their understanding of the value of human dignity – it makes your perception of life a little richer – but it makes the experience of life a little poorer – because not everyone believes in this principle. Move ahead a few years, after losing brother to mugging and father through grief of losing child, I decide that I shall settle somewhere new with my mother and cat. Still the one principle I live by remains being true to me all the facets of me – let them all twinkle as and when the light falls on them. So we settle in a foreign land, a place where many people from the Balkans come seeking a better future. I identify with all at some level, Bulgarian? so was my maternal grandmother,Romanian – hey we’re neighbours! The former U.S.S.R Russian, Georgian, – yes – we too follow the Julian calendar; Syrian, Lebanese – virtually any of the middle east = i identify with their struggle for a homeland for peace and human dignity; Ex- pats from the U.K – I identify with their desire for a simpler life in a new country. Throughout my life – I always sought to find a common link – something to bond – never to divide. Even at a bus-stop – identify with someone who asks for a cigarette – anything that takes away from the principle of division, exclusion, separation. Finally late in life as some would call it – I finally identify with someone on a more intimate level – Until then I had thought of myself as just being a human being without an active sexual gender. Here is the person I connect with spiritually, emotionally, on every level at some time or another. And because I live by my principle of being true to who I am, I trust that the other person – my soul-mate is the same. Together we face many challenges and our combined desire to triumph brings justice in an area of his life where he had been unjustly treated,it inspires us to percieve what we have in the present moment as being so unique to us both that we decide on marriage – being that we are both of faith. Around us are many people who point out the divisive sides, age – he is younger, nationality – he is Romanian, faith – he is Catholic. Together and united in our truth we dare to walk our path – certain of the journey we are taking and who we wish to travel along side. Abruptly the certainty evaporates – he needs to find himself (I was not aware he had got lost) he needs to build a firmer foundation for the future – I felt our groung to be solid beneath us. He would be with me forever – just give him more time. I agree, I see the beauty of his soul, his inner potential – if he needs to see this in himself more clearly, then he must take steps to accomplish this and I shall support him wholly. However, there is a big ‘omission’ in his honest thinking. He decides that I don’t really need to know what he really seeks to find in himself. This comes to light in an unexpected way – through my spiritually evolving journey. I suddenly become aware of vivid dreams – with specific facts. I suddenly become aware that something is not as it should be. I realise that the person with the naturally low libido and the person who had a poor self image of himself which I had succesfully(?) begun to heal, the person I trusted would repay my honesty and trust with – honesty and trust; this same person had a very different facet that had chosen to hide. My ’soul-mate’ my companion on life’s journey had decided to take a return ticket to his past perception of himself. A perception where he is of little value as a human spirit, one where his faith is removed like a suit at the end of a day at the office, and he slinks into his comfortable clothes. Which clothes does he decide to wear one wonders? the coat of many colours, many identities – all of them virtual. My one and only suddenly exposes himself as being anyone of many. A life’s journey with me and as many other virtual journeys with other beautiful women. ‘You’re beautiful inside and out’ he told me – but when a ‘friend’ gave me a website to check out, I realised that the virtuals were perceived to be better. In fact he even told me to remember this each time I looked in the mirror – remember it is my fault that he’s seeking something younger more beautiful. So again, I experience a label of division and conflict. I am to blame because I believe when someone tells me their truth. I am to blame – particularly because I want to build on our foundation, I am to blame because I believe that a journey actually has a path that leads somewhere. The coflict here is at many levels, truth, deception, growing or stagnating, the pole opposites of love and fear. A real engagement with life – or the virtual perfect perception of it. Real sexual connection – or remote sexual gratification. So of all my labels pinned to me by life – which would I hold as the truest one? that’s easy – it’s the one that I give to myself, it is the kaleidoscopic one that allows everyone who meets me to reflect that which is within themselves. Sooner or later – they see I am a mirror for their own reflection to surface, And I too allow myself to be reflected in their perception of me. I am lover and chaste, I am exclusion and inclusion, I am beautiful and ugly, I am constant and I am change. I am spiritual and physical. I am challenging and I am accepting. I am nations I am without boundaries. I am complex yet simple. I am hidden yet revealed. I am all these things and more, but interestingly – importantly I am without the ‘ego’ that one needs to have in order to be all of these things. I am a reflection or perceived reality held in each person’s mind. I am the physical expression of the intangible. I am quite simply human expression of spiritual essence. And because I am spirit – I can choose to be whatever the person wishes to see in me – or I am the choice that is to be made. As for my story? it is not mine, it belongs to each of us – we are all strangers, outsiders in the perception of someone. We are all ugly, beautiful, old, young – in the perception of someone. We are all saints or sinners, victims or villains – in the perception of someone. So who am I? tell me – who do you see in me? that is who I am; it is also who you are at this moment- as you percieve me.

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:23 pm

@AnyAllOrNone, Thank you for this story. I see a very strong woman who might intimidate many men and I would love to know you better. Find me at Facebook?

[Reply]

Jane Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 10:43 am

@AnyAllOrNone, wow ! I`m fascinated you can describe your transformation in so many words and so exactly… I recognize myself in your words!
Best regards
Jane

[Reply]

Hello mr Chris Cade

Damian here Just a quick note — I have been on my own spiritual journey and I love letting go of what I believed before — The illusion is awesome when you stop fighting against and allow whatever to happen — there is always going to be conflict — I used to cause so much conflict and how it made me hate life and myself — I would backdown from no-thing and no-one. How stupid for me was that — I have finally learned that comflict is self made and youyr reaction to this conflict will either allow you to move forward-stagnate or cause unforeseen crappy circumstances to come a knockin on your door. We do it all — but our reaction is all ours as well — depending on how much drama you love — is how you learn to react — I have taken responsibility of my actions and I am grateful for the control I have taken back in my life — I now react for the best interests of me first and others are then the proud beneficiaries of those actions I choose now to live by. Stay open to everything and come to love the conflict of your life — for it will teach you a thing or too — the destination maybe known but the journey is where all the fun is — enjoy the trip and maybe we will cross paths one day.
To you all I give my love Damian.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Damian,

Thanks for your best wishes! I couldn’t have said it better (only differently)

[Reply]

Hi Chris,

I began my Spiritual journey over three decades ago. I’m going to be turning 55 later this year – and after several decades of discovery and experimenting with dozens of differing philosophies – I’m finally beginning to feel more peace and joy inside of me than I feel that dreaded conflict you speak so much about. And for me, it’s continually releasing and letting go of everything that comes up that seems to make me feel so much better all the time. In other words, I am NOW not only staying much more present – I am also living from the heart as opposed to the head. And the more happiness, joy and peace I feel inside, the more imperturbable I become toward everything and everyone – no matter what happens throughout my day. I’ve gotten so I can even project unconditional love (in my imagination) on others as they attempt to do or say things which they perceive might be against my liking for example. Little do they know. You see, I’m to the point where I no longer judge anything as “good” or “bad”. And this is because the things I once knee-jerk-judged as good turned out to have some bad consequences down the road – and the things I once initially perceived as bad were actually more good than bad with the passage of time. I’m looking forward to learning more about your story concept and creatively releasing more of what’s in the subconscious realm of my beingness.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Joel,

Thank you for sharing your experience and insights – lots of wisdom there that people can learn from!

I particularly liked this comment: “continually releasing and letting go.”

Have a great day!

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 pm

@Joel, I love your story.

[Reply]

Great Job Chris! As I read through the comments I am thrilled to see so many people who are resonating with your message.

I remember when I began to write my own story. At first I was writing about my conflicts and current reality. Then, amazing things began to happen. I experienced incredible aahaa moments and as I did, I began to feel empowered and realized that I could now write my life story as I would like my life to be instead. Now I don’t have to tell you what happened from there, do I?

Thank you SO much for realizing your passion and your gift for inspiring others. I am sure that many people will begin to create the life of their dreams from here, and it can all begin with a story.
Looking forward to all your videos..

Sending you many blessings,

Debbie Johnson
http://www.GuidedAbundance.com

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Debbie,

Nope, you don’t have to describe to me what happens when you pro-actively choose to Inscribe Your Life story

Thanks for your support!

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:46 pm

@Debbie Johnson, I really appreciate your story. It is important to have endorsements of what is happening here. I say thanks too.

[Reply]

Im a mother to 2 beautiful children. I recently got divorced cause I struggle with judgement but I really wanted to created a loving story of having my children full time with there father and travelling the world in abundance being treated in a loving, connected and respectful way

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 am

Jill,

I can only imagine how difficult that must be for your family. I too am in the process of divorce, and both my son’s mother and I want the same thing for him – to be treated in a loving, connected, and respectful way.

Thank you for sharing!

[Reply]

I AM 88 YEARS OLD, NOW. When my husband died in 2000 I did not expect to survive, but I did. My friends are gone… the young people living their lives. I feel useless and alone. My son takes care of me. He is a dear to do so..but, he feels trapped, too…. I wrote a book… don’t know how to market it… I signed up for a program..they reject my (good) credet card…????? I feel sad.

Love..
Bernice Howe

[Reply]

Mary Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:34 pm

@Bernice Howe,

Hello, Bernice. Do NOT be sad! You have accumulated 88 years of wisdom and have a book to market. Don’t give up. Follow your dream and be happy. This will in turn make your son happy as well.

Be happy,
Mary

[Reply]

Interesting request and it definitely has a small fear factor. Exposing oneself to a stranger (sort of) because we really are all one, each experiencing a different set of parameters, but ultimately all one self in the final analysis. You mention in the video above “even if the character is yourself” to which I reply it is always about yourself. I have never read anything by anyone which did not reveal the character of the author.
That said….
I will now put myself into assorted boxes in an effort to share who and what I have chosen to experience here and now. I am a mother of three wonderful grown offspring, married for 30 years to a magnificent man who allows me the freedom to discover myself and to live in comfort. I am an artist in many many areas of my life and in many disciplines. Writing in general is not one of them, although I am quite capable of writing and telling a story. I am currently finding, that by sharing this way, I seem to be skirting around who I am, because words don’t really have the ability to actually define a person. It feels like an amusing game and somewhat abstract. Searching for the words to best describe myself, my history (which is the easiest part, yet the least defining about the real, I am) and my thought process (which may be the closest to who I am and yet the most difficult to nail down).
I look forward to seeing where this takes us.
Namaste,
Nancy

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Nancy I can completely relate to what you’re saying. Whenever I have to fill out a bio or an “About Me” I often feel at a loss of words. Sure I can write about my labels or accolades, yet as you point out, none of that is me nor can it ever accurately describe me.

And yet at the same time, the act of writing it down does help me see the attitudes and unconscious beliefs within me that I may not have been aware of.

I too look forward to seeing where this takes us!

[Reply]

Hi Chris,

I also use story telling as a means to understand what my conflicts are. As most of us will already have experienced, we can think Oh yes! thats the answer only to find it was yet another layer to be let go of. I start each day thanking my body mind and spirit for showing me what i need to know, I find I move back and forwards and sideways through the conflicts this way. I am 54 years old and I guess I have a lot of replaying memories that cause the conflict. However, I consider my life as a work in progress. I do look forward to each day, it is another opportunity to discover my own hidden depths,gifts and talents. For me, accepting that today this is how I feel, allows me to get the best from my life. Self acceptance allows peace and love to reign. Today was good for me I hope it was good for you all.

Love to you
Lorraine

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Lorraine – I just wanted to quote this part of your comment in case people may have missed it:

“For me, accepting that today this is how I feel, allows me to get the best from my life. Self acceptance allows peace and love to reign.”

Simple yet powerful insights.

[Reply]

I am a Mother, sister,new aunt and a friend.
I have learned that my conflict and difficulties are what makes me a better person.I have dug deep down and did a autopsy on my inner self.I found some things that really surprised me to see.the things that were so cancerious to my mind,body,and spirit.I believe we all can go on a journey within ourselves and it be more than a fantastic voyage.
I too have given thought about writing a book I just need to be ready.The universe is there for us at all times we must learn that God is everything and everywhere and he is willing to give,however he can only give if we are willing to recieve.Thanks for sharing your story.God bless,Terri

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Terri – I love that metaphor “autopsy on my inner self”… I’m going to have to remember that one

[Reply]

Hi Chris,
I am Collette, the co-author of a beautiful life. The main author being the One in whom I am living and moving and having my being.

My age? I was born earlier than yesterday. My race? I am member of humanity. My location? I reside on a small sphere of dust designed to support abundant living.

Liberty vs. captivity of the mind is the main conflict of which I am conscious. Today I am confident that conflict is essential to every great story.

That wasn’t always the case. I used to be very resentful of the struggle before I started writing pieces like the following:

Am I not a human being free?
Will I not exercise control over fear and bondage?
Do I not have dominion over darkness, death, poverty and chaos?
Am I not eternally defined by light, life, abundance and order?

Does LIGHT inhibit darkness from overshadowing my perception?
Can LIFE interrupt death from overpowering my volition?
Will ABUNDANCE impede poverty from overruling my provision?
Must ORDER intercept chaos from overwhelming my location?

If my darkest fears are discovered, will I yet walk confidently?
If my deadliest cravings are deprived, will I yet live in serenity?
If my dearest goods are delayed, will I yet wait in expectancy?
If my deepest hopes are deferred, will I yet plan for eternity?

Oh yes, I have the liberty to change my life by changing me.

I am a human being free.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Thank you for sharing, Collette Lots of wisdom there for others to glean from…

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Hi Chris-
I’m 49 and I went on my spiritual search in my 20’s when I had my 2 sons. Not knowing that I was being prepared for 2 major tragedies in my life. My 23 year old son was brutally murdered 3 years ago and my husband of 25 years died this January. This has devastated my other son and myself. If it wasn’t for my faith, I don’t know were I’d be? My inner conflict is the pain I feel for my great losses and trying to keep my other son afloat.

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Chris Cade Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Angelica,

I cannot even begin to imagine the inner conflict you and your son have and continue to experience. I am sending both of you my best wishes.

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jane Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm

@Angelica, I know how you are feeling.I had only 1 child and lost him in a road accident and my husband died shortly after.I had no family but I had good friends.My saving grace was that I realised my son had his own life and maybe,just maybe his time had come to go back as he had accomplished what he had come to do. I did know that I had something to learn and thought that my son was maybe a teacher for me. Letting him go to have his own death as I had wanted him to have his own life, although very painful, was like a saving and I truly realise it was the saving of me.

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Hi Chris,
I can’t read the text – the background on the screen is to dark.

Shalom !!

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Hi Chris,

I was not a spiritual person. I believed in God but that was it. I still can’t say I am a spiritual person even though I started meditating since 2007 after having watched the movie SECRET. When I watched the movie secret I suddenly realized that I always new the power of the mind not only that I always had questions about the power of the mind yet never did anything to research it. Then I found myself reading the book called the conversations with god. It was a pure coincidence. Honestly, even buying the movie secret was a coincidence. I started paying more attention to what was going on around me. The more I focused on being a whole with universe and being positive and using positive affirmations the better my life was getting. I had more joy. Everything seemed to be getting easier for me. So I kept meditating. I even quit smoking without suffering the cravings. It was really shocking to me and the people around me simply because I did not even try to quit smoking it just happened. So I decided I was sitting on a gold mine and wanted to utilize it to bring more joy, happiness and money to my life. Ironically, things seemed to start falling apart financially yet I seem to have more peace. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for the peace of mind but financial issues started bordering me. Then again, I began to question things. But, I learned a valuable lesson I was always searching for something more than what is out there, and I foundout money without the peace of mind is not worth much. Now, I am trying to bring some balance into my life. Keeping the peace of mind while trying to achieve the financial independence. That’s my story.

Thank you

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i am a 51 year young woman who has always felt the divine within. i have always worked on my
spirituality, but have allowed myself to be sidetracked by a many things including alcoholism. i am no
longer an alcoholic, but learning to live a life without it has not been easy. i now know that without it
i am paralyzed with fear in social situations, and find it hard to even go to events like weddings,funerals
parties of any kind, and certainly the idea of romantically connecting seems impossible! i will plan to
attend these events and have seen the cycle i go through – overeating, inability to even get out of bed
days before the event, (except to eat more), and stuff like that! I am a wonderful, loving, funny person
and most people who know me through work and stuff would never, ever guess that i have this problem.
i have so much to give and would love to be able to share my beliefs and myself more freely, but haven’t
quite known what to do! i was miraculously freed from my addiction about 5 years ago and have really
gone from being the “life of the party” to a complete hermit! thank you so much for listening and i will
embrace and work hard to over come this. Oh and i have also written some very delightful children’s
books that are really good, but i become overwhelmed at the prospect of getting them published!
as i write this i realize that i am afraid my message isn’t what you are looking for, and i probably need
to change it to make it better and so on – this is what happens! so here and now i will end and bravely
send this to you! love and smiles janie

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And now that i have read all the stories (which I had decided to forgo until at least my first response was in writing), I will tell a part of my story. The her-story of my life LOL
I cannot relate to the immense pain in some of the stories above and felt drawn to respond to one of them, but am totally unable to think of anything which might be uplifting (at this moment). I have had a fairly easy life in comparison to some of the ones above. I began my spiritual journey before I can remember, I arrived here knowing I came from elsewhere but missing the vital knowledge about why I came here at all. I am still not really sure I know that answer and that has provided the bulk of any conflicts in my life. By the time I was 7 years old I was actively on a search for God. I have spent a very long time searching and consequently spent the first half of my life moving around, settling nowhere and feeling intensely lonely and homesick. Although I have been in a loving marriage for 29 years and have a wonderful grown up family (as I stated before), I continue to feel restless and continue to search. I have had many insights, changed many of the predetermined belief systems of my youth and generally have very few complaints. I know I am blessed and I am grateful for the life I am living and when I finally figure out what I am doing here I will perhaps settle down to get it done. As art has always been my passion, I may find that it is the reason I am here and the conflict involved around the value of art may be the area most in need of re-writing. That part of the story seems so common that it feels unnecessary to write it down, but I will anyway. As a child I was always drawing and sewing and creating things, but the message I continually received then (and sometimes even now) is that that is alright for a hobby but not for a living. I am finally pursuing selling my painting for the first time low these many years later and have even booked a showing in December WHOOO HOOOO!!!!!. So even that conflict may now finally be behind me.

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Jonna Harris-Bowman Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:26 pm

@Nancy, I am so glad you have booked a showing of your painting’s. That is wonderful. I too have sought all my life to find my life’s purpose. I have almost decided that what ever we are doing is our life purpose. Your’s may be painting. How great is that? We have a lot of simularities in our stories. I wish you the best. Jonna

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Hello Chris,

Like your friend Martin Lass (to whose newsletter I subscribe and from which I learned of you), I am an astrologer. More specifically an empathic relationship astrologer and a writer.

I am 53 years old; a grandmother of 2 beautiful grandsons, 4 months and 18 years, and two beautiful daughters, 21 and 38.

Because of severe childhood trauma, I have experienced one problem after another throughout most of my life, mainly pertaining to my health.

As Martin says, Chiron’s gift is in the wound, and so I believe. I have found that by journaling — putting my experiences down on paper and actually seeing them in print — I have been able to make my way out of the abyss of emotional torture I’ve experienced for so many years.

Recently I ended an 11 year run of psychotherapy that has, indeed, helped, but I still find that I need just a little something more. Maybe that something more can be found in your ‘Inscribe Your Life’ teachings?

I look forward to learning more about your teachings.

I’d also like to extend a thank you to Martin through you for sharing your information.

Many Blessings,
Kat Starwolf

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Another beautiful morning, I go outside to water my little plants and before I give the first one a drop, the sun taps me on my shoulder and says furiously, “you are not supposed to be out here!” I try to ignore him but his sharp and painful stabs deep into my skin makes me run for cover. I quickly pour water on my plants, hoping that it is enough and run back inside my home. I stare out the window at such a beautiful day, the sun that I love and start to ask myself the same questions that I have been asking myself for the last past 10 years. “Why me sun? I suffer from polymorphous light eruption, I am severely allergic to the sun, and have been for over 10 years. I was diagnosed and placed on disability in 2000 and have pretty much been confined to my home. I am such a positive person, I accepted it and thought a few lifestyle changes would be alright with me. Over the years polymorphous light eruption is starting to take a toll on me. I just want to go outside. I love outside, and I have been fortunate enough to go out for periods but I have to be overly dressed, with hat, sweatshirt, thick pants, socks even if it is 100 degrees, and only for a limited amount of time, getting from point a to b. Not anything like taking a walk, or just sitting under a tree or anything.

Yesterday was a beautiful day, I traveled the world and attended parties and lived my life to the fullest and I never left my home. It is my way of coping and keeping hope alive, dreaming about the way I want my life to be makes me believe that one day I will be able to go outside. So let me tell you about yesterday because it was absolutely wonderful. I woke up to the sound of the lawn outside my apartment window, being perfectly manicured. I had slept with my windows open and had a headache about the size of Montana from allergies, but I felt so alive. I hurried through my morning duties, because just from the smell of the freshly manicured grass, I could tell that this day was going to be a beaut. I scurried into my living room to open the window and patio door just to let the smell in before I took anything for my headache. I put my coffee on, turned on the TV and just looked out the window, wow what a beautiful day, perfect blue sky with white streaks here and there, the trees slightly swaying, baby leaves just dancing, birds chirping, cars going up and down the street, school buses picking up the children, wow what a beautiful spring day. I stared at the window and watch the sun shift coming my way, my warning to back away from the window, so I back away slowly and go to my desk, turn on my computer and get ready for another day of cyber entertainment. My computer is the only place where I can spend the day other than the garage or bathroom due to the sun sometimes makes its way through the blinds and curtains so normally I play musical sun, sometimes it is actually fun. I get my do a little picking up and get everything in my home just picture perfect, makes me feel grounded when I look around and can say “even though I cannot go outside I love my home!” I get my coffee and look out on my patio where this beautiful wicker chaise lounge is positioned and my little patio garden, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, spinach, I am even trying to grow me a lemon tree. I notice that the sun is not shining on my balcony just yet and I smell the fresh spring air and I look up into the sky and say out loud, “I JUST WANT TO GO OUTSIDE!” I run back into my room and come out in a hooded sweatshirt, a hat, jeans, socks, shoes, I go into my kitchen and pop one of my pills that slows down the process of the sun for a little while, grab my coffee, turn off the TV and I go outside, yep I go outside. I sit in my wicker chaise lounge and before I put my feet up I run back inside and grab my camera, because the tree that is right outside my balcony is the most beautiful tree that I have ever seen and it looks just like me, half alive, half dead, but life is winning and bringing the half dead back to life and it is amazing, but I will get back to that later.
I grab my camera and run back out to my shaded balcony and relax in my chaise and as I sip my coffee, I begin to travel, I went to the Bahamas and was on the beach and the sun felt so good between my toes, I had on a swimming suit and the sun massaged my shoulders in the most fabulous way. I smelled the ocean, I went on a picnic,, I went to a baseball game on a bright hot sunny day. I lived on a ranch with horses, took my granddaughter on her first horseback ride, I picked apples and peaches from my garden. I went bike riding with my son, daughter and granddaughter. I took my granddaughter to the zoo. I sat in the yard under a tree and read a book. My mind was on whirl, and I enjoyed every moment of it. All the things that I can’t do I did right on my patio. I forced my mind to be still for a few moments because I wanted to enjoy just the sights and sounds of the present moment. This tree that is so beautiful, I don’t even know the correct name of the tree and I don’t want to know the name of it because beauty doe not need a name. I take a picture of the tree and I see that the tree looks just like me, and I love it. I too have the desire to live life to the fullest and I am determined to find a way. I sit back in my tree and silently thank the sun for staying away and get back to enjoying my day. I watched my tomato plant grow right in front of my eyes.
The wind is blowing every so slightly and I hear the trees communicate with one another, I hear the birds harmonizing with one another, the engines of the cars going by, a lady she looks about my age on her beautiful motorcycle, black and right going slowly up and down the streets in my subdivision. The ground keepers are doing a magnificent job on the grass, neighbors outside greeting one another, dogs and cats being walked. The best part of it all, the smell, spring is definitely in the air and I am loving it. After enjoying the moment, I nudge my mind and said, “Ok ready to travel some more!” So I checked for the e.t.a. of the sun and let my mind go. I went to a NFL game on a bright sunny winter day and loved it. I gave one of the grandest barbecues around my pool at my ranch and stayed outside all day long. I went horseback riding on the beach in Key west Florida. I went on a hot air balloon ride, I went to a parade, I rode the roller coaster, I went to Paris and ate at an outside cafe’. I noticed an itch on my upper back and realized that was my warning from the sun, he is pretty nice with warning me and all. I inhaled the smells one more time and headed on back into my safe haven, I closed my blinds and curtains, reflected on all the places that I had just gone and all the fun that I had and said to myself, “one day!”
I sat down at my computer and was depending on the net to get me through the rest of my day. I am a new twitter and that seemed so fun, people are just living life to the fullest, going here, going there, in and out and they let you know instantly and frequently how much living is really going on. I was amazed and kept telling myself this is great I can live through other people really living. I imagine where they are what they are doing and when they boast and brag about how sunny it is where they are and how the beach is where you should be, I get excited and want to scream and shout, ” I know I was just there!” Well only in my mind, so I don’t know how I am really feeling right now, oh yes I do, I want to go outside, I wish there was more research being done about this disease, I love outside, I have been in this house for 9 years and have entertained myself every way that I could imagine. I accept that I have polymorphous light eruption, but man I want to go out. Well now with that being said and I will have a moment when I will say that from time to time, today is a new day. Check in with twitter and they just a tweeting, living life to the fullest. As for me the sun was all over my patio balcony this morning so yesterday was heaven sent for me. Today I am back to depending on cyberspace to be my bff , as I do more searching on finding a cure for polymorphous light eruption. Today the sun won’t let me out!

2
Well, old faithful, my cyber world just didn’t do it for me today. But no biggie I still enjoyed a beautiful day. Before I go any further let me take this time to introduce myself to you. My name is Victoria, I am a single mother of two grown children, well I should not call them children because, my thing is that children cannot be adults, so maybe I have two offspring, Brandee who is 26 years old and Brandon who is 22 years old. Brandee lives in Atlanta Georgia with her 2 year old daughter, Madysen, whom I call mypuddin and she calls me mynanna, Brandon lives here with me, while he is attending The Ohio State University. We have been living here in Columbus for 5 years now and it is time for us to part ways he is a grown man now and needs his privacy and I need mine. You see nothing against him, I do love him dearly, but I need to live alone. It will be the first time that I have lived alone in my lifetime and I am so looking forward to experiencing that, actually being grown and on my on. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed his company, but sometimes I think that I am more enabling than good. I think that my having this disease is affecting him just as much as me. He stays in the house even though he does not have too.
During the summer it can be 100 degrees outside and he will still walk out of here with a hooded sweatshirt on and it drives me crazy. He hangs a sheet on his bedroom window just like I do and it drives me crazy. I think that he is missing out on so much that life has to offer him. He sits here in the house with me and has been for the last 4 years, yes he attends college but he is only gone for a few hours a day and he is back. I know that it is his life but he is 22 years old and I just want to see him enjoy life and to go out there embrace nature, enjoy it, live it for me. Sometimes I do realize that I seem to be a little harsh about him moving out, but I just don’t want to be the blame when he is older and reflects back to these years and wonders why he didn’t experience more during this time. On the other hand sometimes I just look at him in amazement because he is here with me and I know one thing is for absolute, he knows how to make his own decision. So he has to be right where he wants to be at this time. I have watch him grow from a baby, to a toddler, to an adolescent, to a teenage, and now to a man and I must say that I am pretty doggone proud, not a bad man has he become. I am thankful for the chance to witness it and I will be forever grateful. Now it is just time for me to watch from a difference it has absolutely nothing to do with him, for once in my life it is finally about me. I need to live alone, to be my best friend, to love me unconditionally, to depend on me, to be there for me and finally to find my path to the place where I want to be. I have done this for so long for everyone else besides me and now I want to just do it for me, not selfish but selfless.
I know that I have this disease and it is rough to live with, but I also know how difficult it is for someone to live with someone that has that disease I see it everyday with my own eyes. Brandon reunited with his father after being apart for 11 years, this happened about 3 years ago. I was so happy for the both of them, I knew Brandon needed his father in his life and was hoping that his father needed him just as bad. In the beginning his father flew him to San Diego and they reunited and visited they took road trips to West Virginia and Brandon was reunited with his father’s family. He even told me he was thinking about transferring schools and moving to San Diego with his dad. I was not shocked by any means but I will admit I was somewhat disappointed, I could not understand why Brandon would consider giving up and education at The Ohio State University for the unknown in San Diego. We had our moments of escalated conversations and some of the things that he said to me blew me away. It was almost like I was in the twilight zone, but then I had a light bulb moment at least I think that I was. I think that Brandon wanted me to get so mad at him so that I would put him out rather he make the decision to leave. I have always promised him and Brandee that they decided when to leave and to be prepared to leave because when you do, there is no coming back. I would have loved for him to move to San Diego to be with his father, but only if it was his decision and not all the materialistic things that his father was promising. Things such as you can go to school for free, drive my car, live with me rent free. Once again I had made it about what I wanted, but that phase passed as Brandon decided not to move and to continue his education in Columbus. I must say how happy I was that Brandon was excited, happy and at peace having his father back in his life, it makes me feel good to know that I raised a loving and forgiving son. I am so proud of the man that he is becoming, one thing that I know for sure is that I have taught him to lead his own way. I learned a very important lesson while raising a boy into manhood, that despite whether the father is in the child’s life, he has no choice in becoming a man, that is going to happen it is nature, the type of man that boy will become is solely on that boy transforming from boy to man. He has to know how to make his own choices, to believe in himself and not to be afraid to lead even if no one follows and being here in Columbus just the two of us, has given Brandon the opportunity to figure out whom he is, what he wants, and to deside what kind of man he wants to become, and for that I am so grateful.
Brandee, I do miss her, she moved to Atlanta when Brandon and I moved her to Columbus, OH. I want so badly for her to move her with us, but she had her own plan for her live, she had family in Atlanta and a man that she had fallen madly in love with was there. Off she went, at first I held a lot of resentment towards her, she was with her father and his family. They had not been apart of her life for years and now she chose to be with them. Several disagreements developed from this, I just couldn’t let it go, I couldn’t understand how she could betray me and cross over to the other side. Her being with them brought back so many bad memories of how here father abused me and his family sat back and laughed and made jokes about it. I couldn’t understand how she could make me relive that part of my life all over again after I had buried it so deep and thought it was buried for good. One day she told me after another one of our deep elevated conversations, “Ma, you need to get over it.” I responded, “I had gotten over it, but you included me on the journey of your life and I accepted the invitation.” After that conversation my life with her changed for the better. I accepted her as a grown woman and realized that she has a right to live her life as she chooses and to include whomever she wanted to and that she was correct that I did need to get over it. If I had let it go then I needed to mean that and let it go. I had let it go but I had not forgave, so in my the privacy of my own mind, I found away to forgive and let go, not forget because that it one of the time that make me what I am today. I had to make a choice of rather I wanted to be a part of her life or if I wanted to exclude myself because she was making her own decisions and she was putting her wants and feelings first. I chose having a relationship with Brandee, maybe I needed the reminder of what had transpired when I was married to her father for some reason at that point in my life. I had to accept it because I truly believe that I am the creator of my life so for some reason unbeknownst to me, I had attracted it to me and so I had to accept it. I loved my daughter and no way could I hold it against her for making her own decisions for her life. I had encouraged her to be that way once she was grown so how could I hold it against her now. I was proud that she stood up to me and held her ground. Now she is still living in Atlanta and has blessed me with a Beautiful granddaughter to whom I am thankful to have met. The father yes he is that man that she had fell in love with and was one of her reasons for moving to Atlanta. They were together even engaged but right now I think that they are both trying to figure out the next path to were they both want to be, together or separate I can only hope that Brandee makes the decision best for Brandee as she did with me.
Enough about them, I do have a niece and a great nephew here in town and we do see each other from time to time. The rest of my family is in St. Louis, that is where I was born and raised. I have two older sisters and one younger brother that are still in St. Louis with their family’s meaning I have nieces and nephews and great nephews. I also have a brother that lives in Florida and I have not see or talked to him for about 15 years, unbelievable as I type that, but such as life. Now my family in St. Louis, I do talk to them quite a bit but we just have not seen each other. They do travel the globe, I mean Paris, Cancun, Chicago, New York, Florida, Hawaii but there just does not seem to be a clear path from St. Louis to Columbus, go figure. But I love them all and wish them the best. So you can say I am pretty much a loner in my own right. I kind of like it, it keeps down a lot of drama and confusion, because I am the only one that everyone talks to, the ones in St. Louis don’t bother talking to each other for what ever reasons. I lost my mother to lung cancer in 1996, today is her birthday as a matter of fact, “happy birthday Mom!” My father, he still lives in St. Louis as well and again haven’t seen him in just as long as the others. No bad blood, just no desire. You know what is so ironic about all of them is that every time we do talk everyone wants to have a family reunion, or a family vacation in Paris, but nobody talks to anyone but me. And with me having this disease you would think that me and outside activities just don’t cut it, but they always want me to come visit and do something outside. Ok enough about family I have one and I love them that is all that needs to be said.
Now back to me, I used to be so a go getter, I have lived in St. Louis, California, Texas, Colorado, South Carolina, and Ohio, been to Japan and Canada. I worked as a travel agent, when I was able to go outside and I had the opportunity to travel for free but could not take advantage of any of it because of the sun the majority of the time and when my offspring were young, I didn’t have a babysitter. Before I was diagnosed, I lived a miserable life because doctor after doctor, city after city no one could tell me what was wrong with me, their answers were to stay out of the sun. All I know is that every time I stepped outside and whether the sun was shining brightly or even on a cloudy day, after being outside for just minutes, I would begin to itch, I would begin to get nauseated, then the transformation would begin, I would started breaking out all over, and swelling up, itching more, in pain, swelling until I had to run for cover. Sometimes it would look as if someone had beat me up really bad. Then for the next few days I had to stay in and wait for my battle scars from the sun to disappear. The worst part was whenever I was with any family member or friend and I mean any, when the transformation began they would look at me as if the mother ship from Mars just landed and I was an alien, they would try to hide it but their facial expressions said it all and when I got home and looked in the mirror I could not blame them, I looked at myself in the mirror with the same expression as them.
I went to so many doctors hoping that one of them could just put a name on this monster that was attacking me and after several doctors I finally went to a dermatologist in St. Louis and she told me that I have polymorphous light eruption, then she backed it up and told me that it is so rare among blacks and not only did I just have it but I have a severe case of polymorphous light eruption. I was so happy, you would have thought I had won the lottery or that my dream man had just asked me to be his girl, or that my 2 horses that I dream of having one day, Midnight and Tiger had came in 1st and 2nd at the Kentucky Derby. I thanked her and was ready for my prescription so that I could pop a pill and get rid of this mess, look out tank tops and shorts and skirts and sleeveless tops her I come. After years of wearing sweatshirts, and sweat pants and hats and riding in cars covered with comforters I was about to be set free back out into the sunshine. Before she gave me the prescription she politely told me, “there is no cure,” I can give you something like Zyrtec to help with the hives and itching and I will recommend you to a psychiatrist for counseling. I politely said ,“excuse me, well do I need to have surgery or something or what has caused this to happen so that I can undo it and make it like it was.” I used to be able to got outside any time that I want and the sun didn’t bother me. I even asked well don’t you want to do more test to see just maybe there might be something else. She agreed with me and referred me to another doctor to test me for lupus and all sorts of other things along with my prescription for Zyrtec and my referral to the physiatrist.
I went to the other doctor in full bloom, he was going to do a biopsy on me and get to the bottom of this madness. The sun was out that day and by the time I got to the doctor’s office I was toast. The nurse took my blood, I peed in a cup and waited for the good old doctor to come in. I was an itching, swelling mess by the time he came in. He kind of peeked at me and put on some rubber gloves, touched my arm or should I say grazed my arm, immediately took off his gloves, started washing his hands and said, “there is nothing that I can do for you, you have a severe case of polymorphous light eruption and there is no need to do a skin biopsy.” He then politely said to me, “you can file for disability and I will submit what ever you need, did the dermatologist refer you to a physiatrist?” I mumble yes as tears began to fill my eyes, and he left, I was so hurt by his actions, he was afraid to touch me, I thought he was at least going to do something to try to help me get rid of this. I left his office, no prescription this time just my heart in my hand. I finally went to see a physiatrist and a therapist and every time one of them saw me it was the same reaction, my therapist even started doing phone sessions just so that I would not have to come out.
At first it was hard to swallow but after I accepted it and looked at it like a lifestyle change it got easier. The Zyrtec did no good, they tried a lot of different medicines but nothing stopped it, finally benadryl, it didn’t stop it but it prolonged the itching, I would still break out not as fast but I could not feel the itching. The downside I could not drive or enjoy wherever it was that I was going because I would be so doggone sleepy once I got there, besides the fact I couldn’t take that along with the many drugs they gave me to fight the depression, I was a walking zombie. Finally they had me try allegra and it prolongs the itching and the hives, I can go about 1 or 2 miles away from home and make it, I still have to cover up from head to toe but I can’t go out every day, nope can’t take it every day, I have to go and have my liver tested because taking it can cause damage to my liver.
Brandon started high school and he played football and ran track so some days, I got ready, hooded sweatshirt, jeans with sweatpants on top, double my socks, sneakers or boots, hat, umbrella and blanket, I was good to go. The only thing that I wish I had done was to have had a sign made that said, “I am allergic to the sun!” If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I was hot, when the temperature was in the 90’s, I would be a millionaire and still counting. There were times when I thought that I was going to melt and all that was going to be left of my was the hair on my head. But I was out having fun cheering for my son, and it was fun until I got home and started to peel off my layers of clothes only to see my body had still been beat by the sun no matter how many layers I had on, then the medicine would begin to wear off and the itching started. I stayed off to myself because I didn’t want my son to see what the sun was doing to me, because when he found me in the stands his eyes said it all.

3.
I enjoyed my time outside watching Brandon with his football and track and when that ended I was back to the confinement of my home. The good thing was that I started a trend everyone started wearing hooded sweatshirts and so at least I was in with the fashion. Life moved on and so did I, still affect with this disease I became used to living indoors all the time. I adjusted my life to map out alternate routes anytime I have to leave my home, avoid highways at all cost, the thought of me getting stuck on a highway on a sunny day terrifies me. When I am on the road an eighteen wheeler is my best friend ever, it shields me from the sun but the only downside I can’t keep up with them and can’t always depend that they will be going my way. I make sure that everything that I need is in with walking distance to where I live that way I know the drive won’t be that long, I limit my trips out to once or twice a month and always dream of one day I will be able to go out in the sun again. I have tried staying up all night which I absolutely love, it is nice and quiet, peaceful and absolutely beautiful. Sleeping all day is just something that I cannot do and besides the sun loves my bedroom and there are just some things that you can only take care of during the day. Another downside is that most people are up during the day and asleep at night, so living my way I have no social life. But I still love being up all night and I also love being up all day, so to put it all together is I just love being up, I so love life. The fall and winter are a lot better for me because the sunsets early, the days are shorter and everybody covers up during these two seasons. Even with me covering up the sun still manages to bypass my clothing and get right to my skin. I really believe that it happens from within to without that is what it feels like to me, so no sunscreen works and really no amount of clothing.
It is going on 10 years since I have been diagnosed with polymorphous light eruption and for the first time, I can honestly say that it is beginning to take a toll on me. After years of adjusting and living appropriately with this disease, I really want to go outside. It is now spring time and everything is just beautiful, the trees, the sky, the weather and most of all the smell. It seems as though as the years pass this disease gets worse for me, and I keep a happy face but inside it is now starting to eat at me. I express my feeling with those close to me and to some that are not so close and all they say is, “I don’t see how you do it!” Well I have to, I dream every day of all that I want and all that I want to do, but I feel like I am in trap. My biggest complaint would have to be living off of social security, I hate it but it is all that I have right now. I am trying very diligently to come up with something that I can do to take back at least the financial control of my live back. I know money is not the answer for everything and normally not the answer for anything, but it would so make a difference in my life right now. Ok let me just point out a few things that I could do if I had a little bit of cash to back me up. For starters, I could afford some of the UV protective clothes that they have that are pretty expensive. I don’t even know if they would work but I sure would try. With the right amount of financial security, I could buy me a ranch on some land, maybe in Montana or Texas, hell right here in Columbus would be fine with me, but the thing is that I can have all of the windows made with a sun protector, where the sun could shine all day long but all of my windows would have a tint so it would not come in, wouldn’t that be awesome. I could have a yard with trees that produce shade and I could have a deck with a top, well hell I could pick the perfect spot of land where the sun just passes by everyday. But you get the ideal, I could have my ranch built around polymorphous light eruption, now that would be really dreamy. If I had cash, I could help find some young scientist or doctor who is fresh and ready to find new cures for such diseases as polymorphous light eruption, I could fund it as well as be the test subject, and if together we found a cure we could change many peoples lives. I could travel the world and be able to afford to have necessary precautions in place so that I didn’t have to worry about constantly running from the sun. I could start a foundation and go around and educate people more about this disease and teach them that the sun is not so friendly to everybody as important as it is that we need the sun some of us just cannot tolerate it. I would really love to write a book about it, I just hope that it would be a subject that more people would be interested in. I have tried the so called social internet sites, twitter mainly and have posted the name of this disease on several occasions only to get one real reply, who only had questions about how I am living. No one else out of millions of subscribers even asked one single question. Pretty sad I thought, if it isn’t a form of cancer or sexual dysfunction no one really cares. I just want people to know that the disease is really and people are really suffering as myself.

4.
I have not written anything for a couple of days it is Memorial Day weekend and Brandon is home so just been kind of hanging out with him and taking each day as it comes. I told him that I was writing and how good it feels to talk about how I have been living with this disease and he always wants to take it to another level. Once I mentioned that I was writing he suddenly had all kinds of brainstorms, “why don’t you start a foundation, why don’t you get a doctor willing to do the research on you?” I tried to explain to him that right now all I want to do is write, I simply asked him why doesn’t he look into starting a foundation, his reply was, “I thought that is something that you would want to do since you have the disease.” I was quite for a moment then I just had to give him a piece of my mind, I explained to him part of my frustration was that it is really hard to get anyone to listen to me explain polymorphous light eruption when your own family does nothing to help. He really kind of pissed me off, I then had to explain to him that he lives with me and see me everyday and he too minimizes the effect that the sun has on me, always asking me to go here and go there. I go out sometimes when I feel like I am about to loose my freaking mind or when I absolutely have to and I prepare myself for it and I pay for it afterwards, that does not mean that I do not have this disease, nor does it mean that every time that I step outside the sun does not immediately start attacking me. After about 30 minutes of me explaining the awful disease to him again, he got on the computer and discovered that starting a foundation is not as easy as he thinks that it is. He even went a little further and found out more information about polymorphous light eruption. Four percent of the population suffer from some type of photosensitive disorder and 1 percent of that 4 percent suffer from Solar Urticaria which is polymorphous light eruption elevated. Once he started reading it was describing me as if someone had taken my body and had done the research. I was please that Brandon had took the time to try to find out more about this disease and just maybe him reading about out loud would help him better understand what I am going through, I was not looking for sympathy, just understanding. After he finished reading about it he looked at me a little different, I think the part that got his attention was when he read that what I had mentioned before was now being said by someone other than me. That if I am exposed to the sun for a long period of time I would go into shock which in turn could result in death. For once Brandon understood what I am living with, his mind immediately started popping out ideals of trying to get information out there to make people more aware of this disease, he did more searching and determined that no research is being done here in the U.S. and that how I should do anything that I could to get the information out there. Find more people with the disease and ask them to help, call Dr. Phil, Oprah, The View, he said everything except, “I am going to do any and everything I can to help find someone willing to do something to get more research done on this disease.” I understand that if it is not you, people really don’t get it, I am pretty used to that, like I said all my friends and family are aware that I have this disease, they probably could not tell you the name of it but they could tell you that I am allergic to the sun. Point just made, my phone just rang, it was Brandee, who had called three times already this morning, it is 11:45 am right now. The first time that she called I was still in bed, so I didn’t answer. She was calling to ask me whether her steering wheel falling off is wear and tear or is it something that Pontiac should fix because that should not happen to a 9 year old car. She vented about that before her cell phone batter expired, then she called me when she got home and asked me what was I doing. I explained to her researching this disease that I have and she said, “oh the sun, what is it called?” I told her the name again and briefly told her about the avenues I was taking trying to find out more information and then she politely said, “all right then looks like this is going to be one depressing day, I will talk to you later.” I said, “no it is a beautiful day nothing depressing about it, my garden is doing wonderful.” And that was that.

[Reply]

Nancy Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:12 pm

@Victoria Marsh,
I obviously cannot begin to imagine what no sun would feel like. I have never heard of this disease before and I am amazed at your fantastic attitude. Are you able to enjoy the aftermath of the sun setting? What level of light can you safely be exposed to? You tolerate incandescent lights, I trust?
If you wish to add a friend to your e-mail to help you pass the day, please feel free to e-mail me nvps@sympatico.ca
My prayers are with you, Nancy

[Reply]

Victoria Marsh Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm

@Nancy, thank you for your offer and I will add you to me email address. I love making internet friends. I do get to go out after the sun sets but everyone else is going in. I can only tolerate the sun for about 2 minutes before I start to transform. I always have to completely covered which slows down the sun from affecting me. I have not been outside without longe sleeves, long pants and a hat for 12 years which makes me still put it on at night, it is just natural to me. My doctor thinks that I should be more depressed because we need the sun. I have to keep all of my curtains and blinds closed during the day and I refuse to get depressed, been there done that and it isn’t very much fun. I am thankful and grateful for the internet. Once I get a car with tinted windows and that is extremely reliable, I will venture out during the day again, not for too long but I will get out. Right now the internet is my best friend and I am loving it, it lead me to this site and it was exactly what I was looking for. Again thank you and I look forward to sharing emails with you. I love seeing pictures of people outside enjoying the sunshine so please share if you don’t mind. I like to see me in my mind in others pictures that is how I take my vacations.

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Hi Chris,

My spiritual life began a long time ago.. and is still a journey to follow… we are always learning.
I’ve been putting myself in different adventures.. changing life, changing conutries, continent, challenging myself everytimem but always alone…

There is a part of my life.. where i feel very blocked.. no matter what I learn, relationships are always my weak point.
I have really difficulties to deal with… and even now that i though I was in the right way… i’m loosing the faith… to continue… to battle…
Is there always to be so difficult?
Some books says that we must have fun in the process… I knoz I’ve learned so much… but is everytime.. so hard? or maybe i’m not in the right wqy as I thought?
thank you

[Reply]

Hi,

I am a 66 year old living in the Bay Area. Born and raised – till age 14 – in in PA snow country. Raised a Catholic (with nuns and priests in the family) and now have my own beliefs. Married and divorced many years ago. I have a married daughter and a 10 year old grandson. Retired now from UCSC.

I have been a community service volunteer with – http://sjsar.org for some 25+ years and have enjoyed it immensely – it has been very rewarding.

I am attempting to supplement my ss income with some work on the Internet but having a hard time getting really started.

[Reply]

Hi Chris,

My story is. I am the 13th of a 16 children family. I started to work at 10 years old the weekend and all 7 days/week on summer vacation until a start to work full time at 15 years old.
I have done a lot of different work in my life. In 1992 I brought in north America the first CNC machine for manufacturing knife for the wood working industry. Since then hundred of them has been sold. For the last 5 years I am looking for something else to make me more creative.

Thank you very much for shearing with me your story and knowledge.

[Reply]

Hello Chris,

thank you for giving me the opportunity to write my story.

I recently woke up from what I thought was a wonderful dream and as it turned out was a nightmare. Not so much for me but for the person I love most, my wife.
We are married for almost 8 years (since Dec 2001), we met in the most romantic way, got married just 2 months after meeting and I am really sure that we are true soul mates.
My wife is fantastic and I love her with every fiber of my physical being as well as with every piece of my soul and heart!
As it turned out I tortured her and sabotaged our marriage without wanting or even realizing it until recently and I feel ashamed and regretful although I am also happy and excited that I can now work it all out and build on this amazing love.
I realized that I refused to take responsibility for my life and her and our sons as I was stuck in an immature pattern and the need to connect with my mother which manifested in a sexual addiction. Let me explain that as it might sound very weird.
My mother told me since i can remember that I was supposed to be a girl as she already had 2 boys and I know now that that lead me to think that I was not right, a mistake and I was not supposed to be.
As a result I developed a strong urge to be touched by women or touch women, seeking their proximity and eventually have sex with them.
Before I got married I went to prostitutes frequently to live this sexual addiction as I developed a strong fetish for pantyhose. I loved the feeling on skin and the way a woman looks when she wears them.
I know now that all I was looking for was the comfort of my mother showing me her love as I never trusted her love as she always told me that I was wrong (not a girl).
This was quit a revelation as as a 39 year old 100% male I do not want to have anything sexual to do with my mother or even consider me wanting to go back to mammy as you can imagine.
This shock of realizing this healed me instantly and I can see through all this behavior now.
There were all kinds of other behaviors attached to this. Financial challenges came through not being responsible with money as I just refused to grow up and I pretty much never followed through with anything.

Now, through spiritual experiences like yoga, meditation or manifestation I am re-building my life and I am very happy that I am still married and my wife is committed to hang in there.

I want to use my charisma and determination to make my life meaningful from now on to me and others around me. I am committed to hold my family and protect my family with all my heart and soul.

I am a warrior and wizard of love and I am moving forward effortlessly on the wings of love and faith…

Thank you for reading this and for creating this wonderful opportunity for so many wonderful people. I know we are in difficult times and I see the light at the end of the tunnel

It is not about seeing the glass half full or half empty, it is about filling it up no matter what so it can overflow in abundance…

Namaste

Alexander

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:08 am

Alexander thank you for your candor and authenticity. It takes courage to share our stories, especially as they relate to our upbringing.

You make a very interesting and important point – many times our childhood and early relationships are the source of current behaviors… even if they don’t always look the same on the surface..

[Reply]

Hi Chris,

I am 55 years old and remarried for a year. My wife and 15 year old son are from Thailand. I am an Aircraft Engineer and while the job is fulfiling, I have felt that I am really not doing what I am here to do. I am looking into starting an internet business but I am not sure that is what I need to be doing either, except that I feel I need to have some time freedom from my job so that I can pursue my real purpose. I have also begun to examine myself both physically and spiritually. There are so many people who claim to know the secret to life and spirituality that I do not know which is correct.
I also tend to allow political things to bother me emotionally, so I do not listen to the evening news unless my family has it on. I would like to get your input on how I can connect with myself and my family. Thanks for your video’s,

Charles

[Reply]

Two weeks ago I ran out of money. Three days ago I ran out of food. This is true, but it is not my story. It is not my life. Not the one I have been visualizing for years. It is a reality that I have to face until I can change it. But it is not my story; not my life.

I don’t subscribe to labels: I am a human being who is trying to make the most of the human experience. The best thing that I have ever done is sponsor children in needy families. Thirteen years ago, I was alone, never married, and I had no children of my own. So I “adopted” two – one boy in Colombia – and one girl in Guatemala. Not long after starting my sponsorship, I got a job teaching in Korea. Before going to Korea, I “adopted” two more children in the Philippines. That was 13 years ago.

I have met my children in the Philippines, and it showed me that I do have some positive effect on their lives – but not as much as they affect mine. Still, it is the best thing I have done as a human being. That’s part of my story. This will be the first month that I will not be able to pay the sponsorship contribution. I try to remain hopeful that this reality doesn’t last long.

Many students in many countries have learned from me. I like to think that’s true. Having taught in classrooms from first grade to graduate students in university, I like to think that my knowledge and teaching skills have been used well. That’s a big part of my story.

I have traveled a lot, and I have worked in the travel industry. I hope that people’s lives were made a little better by my experience and expertise in finding them ideal vacations.

I have written stories and essays before. One professional writer once told me that my writing moved her to both laugh and weep, all in the same short story.

Hopefully, my writings over the years, my little newsletter that I used to send to family and friends, have given people reason to ponder and discover humor as well as a little pain in this world that I write about.

Maybe the biggest mistake I ever made was last year. I lived in Thailand with a wonderful lady whom I had put through college so she has a degree. Where I worked was tolerable enough. And where we lived was almost magical. But I always felt my home was not Thailand, and not America where I grew up, but Israel where I am now.

Here we don’t talk much about “spirituality.” We have rituals and traditions that go back thousands of years, and they are all explained by our first teacher, Moses, who it is said was the only prophet to speak with God face to face. So here in Israel, we are constantly aware that everything we do has a spiritual element to it, and we don’t talk about spirituality.

I live in a small city that was being bombed constantly by nearby terrorists. I chose this town because I read that many people were leaving. Can’t let the terrorists have a gift like that, so I moved here to encourage people to stay here.

The mistake was – I had no job to go to. Nobody I knew. No savings, And I missed my girlfriend. Still do. She’s in Thailand, and I’m here. We talk about being together again, but any practical strategy for making that happen has left my thinking several months ago.

I have tried to learn about internet marketing. Done with all courses now, and starting to do things my own way, more or less. Some days I make as much as $1 on Adsense, and it gets me excited. Then again, $1 a day isn’t going to pay the rent here.

Now I’m starting to sell my own products with my own ideas about marketing. I sell things that I truly believe will better people’s lives. I’d give you the link to this collection of old comedy radio shows, but I think that would be an abuse of this blog. Nevertheless, I wish I could show them to you so you can laugh out loud again.

My journey with the Law of Attraction did not start with The Secret. I was dabbling in meditation and mind control long before. I still read and do exercises and such. And I am still starving. I guess this is where I should stop, so I can write something clever in the P.S.

Thanks for being you;
Jerry

P.S. I highly recommend Emotional Freedom Techniques for releasing stress and stress related issues. One thing the founder of EFT once recommended was to watch comedy TV shows: It worked for a while. (to be continued??)

[Reply]

Hi Cris,
Thank you for opening up to the world, you inspire me to be doing the same.
My story .. um its always funny when i meet a stranger and they ask ..’so whats your story ,,..’ i feel a turning inside, a Brittish coyness and a sence of wriggerling intrusion.
I have been learning the strangeness of everything, that is until its brought to light. Seems that everything has a strangeness- a strangeness of subconcious, a strangeness of normality, and its only when the stories are told does the history unfold.

I began my spritual trip in the year i left school( a tightly hemmed all girls school in the depths of dorset, Engalnd) A raging row had burst the glassy enclosures of addalessent dreams, as i realsied my mum was livid with every aspect of her life, each tilt of her families hands a billowing gust to the fire of rage.
Gutted and running i went to Town, drugs and annonomity, pleaing with each stranger to be a friend. i painted and drew, skratched my body raw as exczema moved in. worked and earned money, made my plans, was given a book ..a book that told me as if id known
-coincidences and family behavioral patterns, traveling to find ones identity in the fabric of lifes crytal flow, making great journeys was all part of the great path to grow.
i can remember walking with a friend as i was about to finnish the book and feeling the magentic tugging from my umbilical memory, my tummy button a portal from which i was pulling this invisible heavy and intense energy.
from here i knew something else was at play, some other force i was available to and it to me.
I went from india, to falling in love, loosing my mind, forgetting my roots, attempting to reconstruct a future out of old ideals, failing..and in doing so realsiing, iTurned to plants, heared my dreams , told a lady of the vividness of my nighttime mind, from that moment on the liminal threads between waking memory and crystal dreaming have become defined only by my mind who still cuts one from the other, a trait i employ for fear of seeming mad but i fear to my demise, as the power of dreams i have not yet truely embraced, not wholey taken upon my shoulders the responsibilities which come with such an ageold guest.

so now my body has been free of exczema for over two years and my mind still a cluster, a jigjag lonsome wanderer who knows too well the power of its darkness, but hopes that one day everything bad will be gone and only harmony wil reign. i see it, i know its true i just dont quite believe i can be it.

my friend greeted me at her home the other day and looked at me gently as said ‘ its so strange mary, the gentleness of your eyes, one eye is so full of joy and the other so sad’

Cris i look forward to continuing in this journey with you , yours mary

[Reply]

Hi Chris! How wonderful opportunity to hear about ourself here in that community by Your Blessed video, which I couldn, hear well because off bad uploading, but I am very glad to be here with you and I have to tell you that yes, certainly lightness suld have substitude darkness inside ourself and outside among us, in our sorroundings and I keep it a greit benefit when people are able to give enthusiasm to each others: ” don,t give up, go and you,ll be succeded!!! Yes that is the life, when we,re fell on, we should be able to stand up again ang go and go further and there is a hungarian poet Petőfi Sándor who says: maybe the life will not pay off us for our diligent hard work, but the death will gently tell us a fair and faithfully last farewell!!!

[Reply]

Dear Chris,
My name is Karen and I’ve been going through alot in my life recently. I’m going through a divorce afer 30 years and am facing total left-hip replacement surgery on 7/28/09, so I’ve been out of work (which is driving me crazy) and am still living with my husband and my 19 year old son in the house, due to economic reasons, which is killing me because my husband enables my son to do whatever he wants – I can’t think of anything positive anymore and although I’ve been trying, I’m feeling very alone and at my wits end. I try so hard to be positive, my friends don’t know anything – but I feel I’m sliding right down.

[Reply]

Liz Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:47 pm

@Karen,Hi Karen you didn’t find this site or have this video sent to you for nothing. Go to www. laitman.com and you will find all the answers.
Love Liz

[Reply]

When I went to university, to be a scientist, I trained in an engineering faculty. I was basically taught to be a good questioner rather than a working engineer. One of my clasmates had the same first and last names so we always identified ourselves by the middle initial. I still do. That is why I am still Jim H., not Jim K.

I worked in about eight different industries and was often at the forefront; one of my jobs was doing the system design of the Canadarm on the US Space Shuttle and that has been an ongoing success, even though the task started with me realizing I did not even know the right questions (that turns out the way to get good at many things). When I checked around it turned out that no one else knew the right questions either, but I was able to turn the conversations into a good working set that was well received by NASA.

I was tempted out of the space game to help identify why houses were making some occupants ill (about 10-15%) and spent a couple of decades at that and got to be known world wide for the quality of what we did in that area of research. In the end I took early retirement when I was asked to protect the (incompetent part of) industry from the public. My answer was “Not bloody likely!” and that was not well received; I was accused of having an attitude problem. My answer was “I do so!” My private life had also become nasty and I had to rework that too.

I joined a group called the Forum on Faith and Science after I retired and we just had our 10th anniversary. We learned that when good scientists meet good theologians they say to each other “Please tell me more; you look at the world so much differently than I do.” but when poor scientists meet poor theologians the say “You’re wrong and, once more, you’re stupid” and wonder why they cannot have good dialogues. There are way more poor scientists and theologians than good ones, by the way; a great big way more!

About that time i started having episodes where, between conciousness and sleep, I would hear things that kept coming back until I wrote them down. The first one, “The Peace of Christ” was a short blessing that came back until I pit it on business cards and handed it out to those who I thought would be interested in it. After that more and more ‘things’ came to me and I started a whole collection of them, then several collections. The latest, which I may go ahead and publish, is entitled “On Life and Love and Why We Are Here” and is about half completed.

Sometimes on trips ideas come to me and I wished that I had a small voice recorder so that I would not lose them; at 71 years of age that is now becoming a problem.

Any morning that you wake up is a good day; any morning that you wake up with little pain is a great one!

I am no longer afraid of dying but I sure would hate to miss the beauty of being alive!

[Reply]

I too have always known about the power of writing however, find this theory of self story writing interesting. What does my story tell you about me?
Once upon a time, in a strange land called Riverton, Utah, there was a curious, determined girl who always knew she was different than everyone around her including her parents. She quickly learned at an early age that she was more sensitive yet passionate than most as well and seemed to feel things more powerfully than anyone she knew. It did not make her feel special at first, only “different” without knowing why. She liked to do things that sometimes only little boys liked to do, but she also liked doing girl things too. She liked to draw animals mostly, and her favorite was horses; so she learned how to ride at 8 years old, and later jumped horses. She also loved writing and was frequently selected to have her essays or short stories read to the class in elementary school. In 2nd grade, her teacher talked to her parents to see about putting her in a gifted/talented more advanced school to better challenge her. The girl only wanted to be with her friends and live a normal childhood, so chose staying at her school to be with her beloved cousin. Her vivid imagination was the catalyst of many wonderful stories, poetry, journal entries, art pieces, and high grades.

Obviously, that girl is me. I still have that wild imagintion, but definitely feel like it has been snuffed a bit by the realities of being an adult, and even negativity constantly encircling me. I still feel “different” without knowing why, and feel that I am destined for greatness. I live in Upland, California by the foothills East of Los Angeles, where I moved from Salt Lake City, Utah to go to fashion design school at FIDM. I graduated in 2006 and have been working tirelessly in a brutal field to gain experience and develop my skills to my natural gifts/talents. My life really is a miracle.. and I believe in angels, but I like to call them fairies. I believe imagination is all powerful, and discovering these mind movie, writing spiritual resources is exciting for me since creativity is a natural abilitity I’ve always known to be born with. I guess the darkness emitted from many around me, and the struggles of surviving can be exhausting. I’ve been looking for work for two months but had the faith in my talents that I will find something before things become too desperate or hopeless. A few days ago, I finally got a job I really wanted working with an Italian company that wants to expand their menswear/home furnishings line to create womenswear! I am so excited to be apart of it, and hope that I can stay with this company long term. I guess I’ve been treated badly enough in companies to worry a little that it’ll happen again. I am stronger, wiser, and more experience, so I’m trying to be patient with myself and take each rejection or job ending as a learning experience. I think I have the right attitude.. but i think emotionally it has been a lot to handle. I guess artistic people really are more sensitive than normal! Sometimes I just want to curl up or move back to Utah because life in California can be pretty bleak sometimes. Things seem to fall into place though when I start getting to the point where the change needs to happen but I’m stumped. Wow, this turned into quite a novel. I guess I’ll end my story this way: Yolanda met a handsome man who made her laugh and loved her deeply…he finally proposed in the most romantic and surprising way that she would never forget, they traveled the world, and she became a famous fashion designer, artist, DJ, and writer that fulfilled her multiple, unique creative gifts from god…and she and her husband lived happily ever after and had children to pass their knowledge to & share these gifts of this beautiful world… The End

[Reply]

Nancy Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm

@Yolanda,
Some aspects of your story sound so very familiar. I too was an ultra sensitive, in fact an empath and was not aware of what that was as term until fairly recently. I had extremely difficult times dealing with large numbers of people because I couldn’t assimilate all the different emotions I felt raging around me.
I too was an artist as a child (and continue to be) and loved horses, owned a Welsh pony and learned to ride when I was 9. We later had a Morgan Quarter Horse (a lovely horse to ride) until my father died and we moved to Vancouver (where owning a horse was not practical)
I like the ending to your story…. and i hope it comes true for you. I was very fortunate to meet a wonderful man (about the time I thought it would never happen) and married 9 months after meeting (a pregnant pause is what I call it, although our first daughter came two years later) . We are celebrating our 29th anniversary this year. It can happen but it helps to not try too hard. Love what you are doing and you become a magnet to healthy, happy, loving people.
I wish the best to you in making that wonderful ending reality.
Namaste,
Nancy

[Reply]

I am a 50 year old healer. I have a chiropractic license and I do love chiropractic as one of my tools. I have 200 hours of post grad education in acupuncture as well. I am now living in Ireland and feel extremely fortunate to have found a great group to work with.
I went to chiropractic school at the age of 44 after a long career as a ballet dancer and Russian folk dancer. Throughout my career I was very conflicted about what I was doing because I knew I wanted to be a healer/teacher. At one point I worked with a person who was developing a way to help performers and others. He sensed my conflict and said to me something like, “You know Mark, this issue you have with being a dancer is not necessary. You are not a dancer but you can feel free to dance and to make money at it. That helped me some. I remember it now 20 years later.
Now that I make a living doing mainly chiropractic I feel like a fraud much of the time. I am very good at what I do however I feel like I am an energy worker more that anything. I am not encouraged to do energy work at the office where I work. That is good and tough at the same time. Good because it encourages me to explore what it is like to just do chiropractic on people and tough because I never went to this type of body worker in my life. That is to say when I went to just adjusting chiropractors I was not compelled to go back. Now I am doing something that I didn’t want to do myself.

Much of the issues with my life are related to my relationship with my father. We have always loved each other and have been very close. He told me I was great at everything and always encouraged me to do well in most anything I was interested in. And as a young child I realized that if there was a threat of me being better than him or if I was possibly going to get more attention or love than him he could let that happen. I have spent my life dealing with that.

Until I was in my thirties the way I dealt with that and as a survival technique is this. 100% of the time that I thought would succeed I would fail. 100% of the time. When I knew I would fail 100% of the time I would succeed. 100% of the time. I was very tormenting. The degree to which I either succeeded or failed was in direct relation to the degree of my belief. As a boy I was an outstanding athlete and played any sport I could. When I had faith in myself and knew I would do well and had a positive attitude I would fail miserably. When I was destitute and knew there was no possible way I could do well I would do great. 100% of the time. If I had no opinion I would almost always do very well or great.
Throughout my life I would tell people this and not one person believed it one bit. My wife knew I was wrong even though I told her dozens of stories. Not one person believed it even a little. When I was in my early thirties I worked with a therapist for no particular reason and this issue came up. She didn’t give it a second thought. I asked her if she believed me and she said of course. What a tremendous relief.
My main work now is to get rid of fear and shame, stepping into my light body and create a joyous abundant life with joy and ease. I know how new age that sounds and it is what I know is available to us all. My first degree was theology.
Thanks for reading my story.
Mark

[Reply]

Hi Chris
I am a 68 year old widow of 9 years. I have found a talent for writing also, and have spent the last few years just trying to encourage others to live thier dreams. Now I feel it is my turn, I am planning a trip to Thailand where I hope to help the needy widows and orphans. It is a big step for me, as I have no money which has always been my excuse for not doing the things I know I am designed to do. This will be a spiritual journey in which I hope to grow my faith. This will require my starting up an internet business to pay living expenses. Sort of a conflict as I have not learned how to do it yet.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 am

Justene,

How inspiring that you are finally re-writing the “I have no money” script into something that is empowering for you and for the people you will reach!

I am walking that path as we speak, so I can relate completely to what you’re saying.

We all start somewhere – even the greatest leaders of the world once knew nothing about the topics they have become experts in.

[Reply]

There’s a welcome invitation to story telling mr. Cade!

The possibility of interacting through stories I abandoned some time ago and I look forward to this challenge once more.
I’m a 56 year old man, living in Amsterdam, in a relationship with a 52 year old woman, living 2 hours travel away from me.
We just returned from a good holiday in the french mountains and our separate lives gradually return to their daily routines.
I’ll see her again coming saturday. We will go see the movie Dr. Zhivago, as a kind of romantic, sentimental journey as we both saw that movie a long time ago.
The tragedy in that movie I vaguely remember; it combines personal and
historical stories, accompanied by the melancholy sound of the balalaika.
We will feel alone as the 2 protagonists in the movie and be slightly
consoled perhaps.
More than a mere romantic truth may appear while attending your program and watching the video’s in the follow up.

There’s so much in my life that SHOULD have taken place and didn’t…
Writing about it all, may very well disentangle a few hangup’s from the past!
Looking forward to taking part in the process, greetings, yours truly, Maarten

[Reply]

I was pretty much living the American Dream until the fall of 2000 when I was in an auto accident and suffered severe brain trauma. I lost the ability to read and plunged into a deep, dark pit of depression. Over the following years, I developed diabetes and obstructive sleep apnea due to a weight gain of 50 pounds. I was diagnosed with two sleep disorders, including Restless Legs Syndrome in 1992. I developed glaucoma in 1995. I started suffering severe migraine headaches in 1998. Wait a minute! What’s wrong with this picture? Something’s gotta give. Hopefully, it’s not my heart. Actually, I saw a cardiologist a year ago and he said that my heart’s in great shape. Around the first of this year (2009), my mood started lightening. Now, my mood is better than it’s ever been. I credit applying the spiritual practices of the Center for Spiritual Living over the last four years for the improvement, nothing short of a miracle. I started studying EFT in May of 2009 and found a wonderfully gifted practitioner who helped me regain the ability to read. Previous to meeting her, I had tried pretty much everything with no success. At the time, I was working with a Cognitive Rehabilitation neuropsychologist who had told me during the last several times we got together that she was stumped and had no idea how to help me regain the ability to read, even after consulting with several “experts” in the industry. I draw a line in the sand here. Since regaining the ability to read, I spend a lot of time reading anything and everything about how to regain my health. The Universe is indeed abundant. And here I am. I have 90 pounds of excess weight to release and I am hopeful that between tapping and modifying my diet, I will be able to become the new and improved me, better than ever. (to be continued I went to a Mastermind group and one of the exercises was to write down the things we were greatful for. Then we were asked to write a gratitude list about things that we were going to be grateful for in the future. With no forethought, these words just flew onto the paper – six weeks in Maui. I have since modified that to say “six relaxing weeks in Maui”. Now that I am regaining my health, I want to go back to work. But the last nine years have been rough. And I haven’t taken a vacation since 1995. I really need to recharge before I go back into the workforce. So I am in the process of asking from the infinitely abundant Universe to provide me with the abundance that will allow me to spend six relaxing weeks in Maue

[Reply]

Dear Chris,
My nmae is vanessa. I’m from Atlanta, Georgia. I’m 22 years old.
My story…I find it hard to explain. But, I’ll try. I was born 3 months early. As, a infant I had many health issues. I was on oxgyen for many weeks and have grown up with a very bad acid reflux issue. I also have a digestive issues has well. I wear hearing aids. I can tell countless times of falling apart and crying because I wanted to be like the other kids I knew. I grew up in special education in schools. I don’t look good on a piece of paper. My ecucation is lacking. I’m very behind in school. Therfore, I can’t attend college right now. I wish, things could be different.

I always thought, I was a mistake and meant to die has a baby. I’ve always have a hard time dealing with pain and dissapiontments. When, I was a teenager I was raped many times. Things kept happening. As a teenager I was made fun of and pushed aside and laughed at. I was scared to talk or even to take my jacket off. I thought the world hated me. I saw my self has trash and ugly. I tried to commit suicide about 5 times. Nothing would work. Doctors kept on bringing me back. Doctors kept druging with different chemical ailtering medications.
As a teenager, I had many eating disorders and cutting my self. To top that off, I have OCD, Austism (mild), Chronic Depression. I’ve had lables from loser to stuipd. The world hasn’t been nice or accepting of me. I’m always scared to get close to people. My biggest fear is having no purpose and reason for this life. That all my pain was for nothing.

I love being in my room all alone with just me and my computer.

This past year has been a very bad year. I crashed hard. Everything caught up to me. I’ve gained 60 pounds in two years. I became lost to the point I thougty there was no return. To this day, I’m not sure how I’ve climbed out of my darkness. But, I getting better everday and every moment. I just have to take one minute of everyday. I was once a dead rose, and the rain came to down to water my wounds and repair my heart.

As a side note, I want to help others yet, I have no clue how to start, no job, no money, no car. Only the debt my parents have put me in with my credit card. I’m still lost but in only a different sort of way. I’m looking for things to open up and waiting for my chance to moved on.

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 1:36 am

Vanessa, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you’ve experienced in your life, and continue to experience today. The amount of courage and strength you must have to continue climbing out of that darkness and heal your heart is just amazing!

You have a heart’s desire to help others. Having the desire is an incredible start, and now it sounds like you’re ready to put that into action.

Might I pose an opportunity for you? Today do two things:

(1) Intentionally do one kind thing for somebody else, and when you’re going to sleep remember what that one thing was.

(2) Also, intentionally do one kind thing for yourself, and when you’re going to sleep, also remember what that one thing was.

If you do decide to do those two things, I would be delighted if in a couple of days you come back here and share what those experiences were like for you.

[Reply]

Hello Chris, you look very sympathetic in your short film and very serious, which is delightful. I liked your ideas about writing stories and I am enticed to try them out and see what could be found in there. I have often invented rather unadapted queer figures who lived in their own universe. Folks with little if any connection to the normal world. But they never really made it to paper. I am trying to get deeper into the art of classical singing. Finding the ground in the body and connection to the emotions, which is not coming easily to me. I do however have great confidence in finding them. Am 53, single for quite some time, after relationship that I did not want to last, and do not have a lot of close friends and my life could be more full and loving. Am spritually inclined and do a lot of contemplation and often find myself in that quiet state. Want to pick up meditation again because I like doing it and think it is very necessary to evolve. I wish you well, anna

[Reply]

Chris Cade Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 1:24 am

Thank you for your kind words, Anna For over a year, I wished to have a consistent meditation practice. It took me over a year to discover why I had resistance to meditation, and only now is my meditation practice beginning to unfold.

There’s a reason you’re not meditating right now regardless of the fact that you think it is necessary to evolve.

My recommendation to you is become curious about how not meditating is actually benefiting you. That idea may sound crazy at first, so rather than accept nor reject it, just hold that possibility in mind and see where your curiosity leads you.

[Reply]

I grew up in a deeply religious culture. Family, church, school, social life, personal life were all entwined within “The Church.” But my spiritual journey only began a few years ago while working in a religious institution. As I began to identify my own core values, I realized that the workers and the very establishment I worked for were violating those values I held dearest to my heart. I quit that job, broke up with my partner of 6 years, got an eviction notice from my apartment, and spiraled into the depths of my own soul… exploring who I am and who I wanted to become. Was it fun? By no means. Did I suffer depression? You betcha. I walked away from friends and family who kept telling me what a stupid mistake I had made leaving a perfectly good job. But deep inside, I knew that I had to stand by my own values. I took on odd jobs, lower pay, cheaper rent, harder work, no benefits, nothing secure, nothing defined… but I held on to my core values. The journey is by no means “over.” But, here I am three short years later, married to a wonderful spouse that shares my values, moving to a place I’ve always wanted to live, beginning a job that mirrors my passion for life. Is my journey over? No way. If I have learned anything through these 49 years I have been on this earth it is this… learn the lessons the Universe is giving you. Use them wisely. Live in the moment. Embrace the Now. Define your core values. Stick by them. Scrutinize what others have “taught” you. Question question question. Unlearn the teachings that do not serve you nor make sense. And above all else, express loving-kindness to yourself every day… Focus inward to your own sacred heart. Be gentle with your own soul. Love yourself completely.

[Reply]

Hello Chris,

I am inspired by your idea of story. What a wonderful way of facilitating people as they connect with themselves, and their life experiences.

Aine is not my real name and I prefer to remain anonymous as the experience of conflict in my life has been intense and ongoing in spite of many changes that I have instigated. Through the pain, I have become more aware of who I am and have become gentler and more accepting of myself.

I know that I must have attracted conflict into my life ….but I honestly believe that what I have suffered – no one should experience. I am lucky to be alive.

I am 51. In 2002 I married a man who I met while working in London. He was my second husband. My first husband committed suicide when he was 24. We were separated at the time, yet spent weekends and some evenings together as a family. Our relationship, even when separated was intimate.Through his death, our son who was 3 at the time and myself were left alone. My son grew up in a single parent home. We were fortunate to have support from my family. For years I grieved and was angry. It was my son who was amazing.

A life time later, I came to London to further my career and to travel. My son was independent, in tertiary education and working part time. He had the support of his grandparents and uncles.

I came to London for a year….But met my second husband. He was intelligent, well groomed and well travelled. Although I was concerned by his excessive drinking, he was spiritually aware and we shared many of the same interests and philosophies in life. He was only working 3 days a week when I met him and was very focused on his swimming. I would listen for hours to him tell stories about his pain and suffering as a child and an adult at the hands of his family and society. I use to think that he lived under a “black cloud”- he was always so “heavy.” He was tired of London …..tired of life really.

We moved country. I resigned from a very good job to do so – against many people’s advice. I really thought that he would get better if he was in a different environment.I know now that wherever you go, you bring yourself with you. The place was of his choosing ….a place where he had wanted to live all his life. I supported him and agreed to the move. I was committed to the marriage and our new life together. Inspite of warning signs of impending difficuties, I was full of hope. I really loved and respected him at that time.

Moving country always brings about challenges. For me it meant leaving my son. He was an adult and had his own life…yet I felt incredible guilt and loss. My husband did not care. He was so involved in his own reality. He was desperately unhappy. We were isolated. Financially we took a huge drop in income and work was largely contract based. Our financial security was really challenged. He hated his job and became depressed. He literally sat on the sofa for 2 years. He was on anti depressants. I seemed to be working endlessly. At one stage I had 4 jobs – just to meet my financial committments. Before I met him, I soon discovered that he had a history of depressive episodes which began as a child.

He was emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive. He used mind games to torment me, he teased me and constantly put me down. He would try to compete with me when we watched the rugy or soccer. He always put the country I grew up in down. It was a personal assault against me because he hated the country. He hated me. He was extremely physically violent. He would spit in my face, push me to the floor, kneel on my breasts and pull my shirts up tight around my neck with his clenched fist. There were many acts of violence including his thret to kill me and on one occasion trying to suffocate me with a pillow. There was no where to go or run to. He broke the spare room door …which I locked… to get to me. My response was to not engage .. to not respond. I lived in fear. It was like being a prisoner of war. In my head I use to go to a different world..I use to disengage. I was so tired. He wouldn’t let me sleep. He would binge drink. Binge drinking would blur the pain of his inner world. It was his way of medicating. I would be upstairs in bed. He would come up and wake me up and talk…or perhaps utter sounds which may be interpreted as forms of English. Whatever he said was tangled and made no sense. He was tormented. He was like a tap that drips incessantly…the water torture exhausted me. At times I would come home and find him lying on the floor sobbing. I became careful about viewing films with him because he actually took on the role of the character he identified with. In Saving Private Ryan, he became one of the soldiers and would find it hard to differentiate between that role and who he was in reality. He would cry and feel the pain experienced by the characters.

After lots of counselling and the protection of saftey orders and a barring order issued by the Court, I managed to break free of the marriage. I cleared, cleaned, painted and sold our house. I took the matter to Court and I am now single again. It has taken me 3 years of struggle to rebuild my life to where I am today. There is still so much more to do..but everyday is another step forward.

What I really wonder is how did I attract such extreme conflict into my life?
My life now is peaceful and centred. I live very simply.I have learnt so much about people and suffering. I am just grateful to be alive.

So this is part of my story Chris. There is so much more. My life is a richly coloured picture book open for those who want to read. Perhaps my story will help others who are or have experienced violence or conflict in their lives. There is always hope of a better future. It comes with becoming aware of your inner world and finding your way along the path to freedom. Freedom not only from the destructive relationship, but the freedom to be who you really are, to express your inner joy and to discover life as it unfolds.

Kind regards,

Aine

[Reply]

I am an energy healer/ nst practioner- and i have spent the last 20 years healing me. That’s how i got in to healing others. i have learned so much from healing others physical ails. Mostly i have learned what’s important, at least to me. I have also learned that everyone has their own idea as to what is important.
i the last two years i have learned that just because you love a child, does not mean the child will love you back. i was taken to the cleaners by my own daughter. then on the other hand, i realized and discovered with great delight, that my son, had grown to a better man than i ever could have imagined, and because of him, we are still solvent. The lessons i have learned in the last 2 years have allowed me to grow in ways i never could have seen. I joined Centepoint,- and discovered peace. I have been a health nut for over 20 years, and discover that i learn more every day, about how our bodies work. I was born with spina Bifida- a mild case of it they say, yet by age 30 i could hardly walk, now because of all the nutrition i have studies, the Aikido i did in my 40′, the qi gong i do now, i walk a good 2 to 4 k every day, plus do and hour of qi gong, meditate, and even find time to live and do other things, plus take care of 2 small dogs and my husband., will little to no pain. the mind is amazing, but the body as a whole is a miracle. I have also discovered that life is fun.

[Reply]

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[Reply]

Hallo Chris,

I feel me closed and I find it difficult to open my heard and my mind to other people.
I’m a fighter against bad circumstances and I battle against myself.
Now I’m looking for to break the cycle but without my inner truth.
I tried a lot of techniques, but it worked only temporary and drove me allways to the same point.

And to spew on the paper, all the crap inside, I think its a great idea and also the possibility torecognize witch advise are inside!

Franky

[Reply]

Moroni Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:20 pm

@Franky,

I read what you wrote and it struck me inside, I noticed many things I have felt myself. I know now that the only way to transcend bad circumstances and battles within yourself is to instead of fight things that happen, Embrace them and accept what this learning opportunity has presented for you. It is a Gift! Nothing is wrong with your life it is in fact Perfect!.

Next is to embrace your truth and trust in something higher than yourself. Thanks, wish you well

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm

@Franky, You have a good plan. Also, you might want to try audio assisted meditation like Holosync. Put on a set of headphones and close your eyes. The more you do it, the better you become.

[Reply]

Hello Chris:

Thank you for sharing the wonderful video with everyone. Many blessings to you for helping others.

My spiritual journey began about 10 months ago, and boy did my life change!!! Before I started on my journey, I would suffer from anxiety and always feel like something was going to happen and nothing ever did. Then a friend of mine was telling me about his connection with angels and how they helped to rid him of his depression. He had planted a seed into my head and had put me on, what I deemed, my “quest for knowledge”.

Shortly my life began to change. I was reading a lot of books and becoming more intuned with myself. The more I began to reconnect with myself, the more connected I became with “my source” as I call them. My first realisation that it was a higher source was when I asked a question about how the Ten Commandments would be interpreted if we were indeed God experiencing life. I was given a message and had written out what they told me. About a week later, I was reading “Conversations with God” and came upon the same thing that I had written a week earlier. I was shocked, and knew that I was connected to something big!!!

Sometimes they would show me visions and I would be “why is this in my head” and I would later get confirmations on it. I would ask questions (and still do) and they always respond whether its dirctly, or something that I see or read or hear. Some of the great messages I have received are:

NOW- Noticing Our Wisdom

LIGHT- Living In Gods Highest Truth

SOUL- Source Of Unconditional Love

You are never Alone because we are All-One

They also have given me insights about my past lives as well as people that I know and even animals. All I have to do is ask them. As an example, in one of my previous lives, I was an oracle and it has carried over onto this life time as well ( my most recent confirmation was breaking down my name and finding ORACLE within). When I asked about the importance of the connection with my previous life as the oracle has to do with my life now, I was told that I was here to help people reconnect with thier “selves” and it was important to be a way shower/seed planter.

There have been several other amazing things that I would love to share (but I dont want to take up too much space or time with my writting) Thank you again for sharing the video and I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

In love and light

Hope

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm

@Hope, Thank you for your truly inspirational story. It will help many here. “Ask and it shall be given.”

[Reply]

Maria Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 pm

@Hope, Hi Hope, you are a lucky person. Enjoy that connection you have. It is beautiful and interesting. Believe in yourself. Just enjoy yourself and the opportunity you have to grow and to learn, and just to be yourself.

[Reply]

I am a 64 year old woman from Auckland, New Zealand, and I have 2 conflicts I’m being challenged with at present.

1. In my middling years I have become a self-published author. I love writing but that’s all I want to do – write. I have absolutely no desire to be involved in the marketing part of the equation and as writing is 5% and marketing 95% of that equation, I have a wee problem! I gifted Neale Donald Walsch my book (which I’ve now turned into an ebook for ease of getting it overseas)and he loved it so much that he wrote a foreword for its next edition (which I’ve made the ebook)so it’s definitely worth getting out there. Yet here I am, 2 or 3 years later, still doing nothing to get it to possibly millions of people who might benefit from it! I’ve placed it firmly in the ‘too hard’ basket, because the Parkinson’s I’ve chosen to experience in this lifetime breaks through the medication every time I think about how to market either this book or my website, making my brain go into a whirling mass of confusion. I know there’s all these new Internet ways of getting you and your products known, but I don’t want to sit at my computer any longer each day than I already do (a) because I have a life outside of my computer and (b) because I have also chosen in this lifetime to experience cancer (which I’m choosing to heal naturally), so sitting at the computer for longer than absolutely needed is not wise. And which brings me to my second conflict which is:

2. Cancer. Do I want to live or do I want to move on? I wrote a short story on breast cancer entitled “What a Truly Empowering and Magnificent Gift Cancer Has Been to Me” which was published in a book called “The Path To Success”. Because I still had more to learn from the cancer I now have it in the lymph under my arm where it has sat getting bigger and smaller, bigger and smaller, for the last year. As I write this, it is the smallest it has ever been, so fingers crossed.

However, although I’ve still got so much more living to do (and I’d love to get my books and ebooks out to the public while I’m alive, plus I’d love to give myself more time to meet that really special man who I believe isn’t very far away), I know that there is a part of me that is more than happy to move on. I know this, in part, because although I have an enoooormous desire to go 100% raw which would aid the healing big time, I’m just not doing it. I have no fear of death, although I have mentioned to God that if it’s my time there are easier ways to get there than cancer.

I’m 20 years divorced, no children and no special fella, but have great friends, and until 3 months ago had 3 beloved cats. Tully got Alzheimer’s and disappeared one day (that was truly awful)and then 3 weeks ago her blood sister Jazz (the most cuddlesome and loving cat I’ve ever known) was run over and I found her dead in the gutter at the top of my drive. Although heart deep saddened I was so grateful she was so easily found, whereas I have had no closure with Tully. When I found Jazz it did pop into my mind that may be they had moved on because my time for going was getting closer and it is much easier to find a good home for one, rather than three, cats.

A few days later I had an amazing and most beautiful 2 hour spiritual experience, out of the blue (I was in the middle of writing myself a list of food I needed to buy!), and thought “Wow! May be this is the beginning of dying. Wow! This is great!!!” But no – I’m still here, so obviously I’m still meant to be here and am meant to have written the above for others to read.

Warm wishes and hugs to all who read this.
Gaia

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm

@Gaia Singer, Thank you for choosing life. Now commit. You will bless many with your work. I am only beginning my marketing career and have everything yet to learn. I might be able to market your book in another six months, maybe sooner. Try joining social networking sites like Facebook and advertising for marketing help. Many could at least point you in the right direction. Going raw should be done in steps and you are buying time as you do. If you have a floor of natural materials, such as stone or concrete, in direct contact with the earth, set up your computer desk on that floor and sit barefoot. This will ground you and drain off the man made energies so you don’t accumulate them in your body. If you can’t do this, then take a half hour break every so often and go barefoot on the earth to discharge.

[Reply]

Gaia Singer Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 6:33 am

@Ed Howes, Hi Ed, Facebook or similar is a great suggestion except for the fact that I just don’t have the time. It took me 2 hrs to type that one to Sabina. It’s now 11.20pm and I started my day at 5.45am. That’s why, although at least 10 or more people have invited me to join Facebook and similar I’ve said no. To be honest I’m surprised with myself for joining this group for the same reason – lack of time.

How exciting that you are getting into marketing. Does that mean you are just starting your working career or that you are in the process of changing careers?

As I’ve still got things to do before bed I’ll say goodnight. And thanks again for your thoughts and suggestions.

Warm wishes
Gaia

[Reply]

Ed Howes Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

@Gaia Singer, Thanks for the response. The time issue is very common. No limits for money or love but time is where we really have to prioritize. Which is why I am investing here.

I decided against career in the late 60s. Now I feel I can afford one.

Ed Howes Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm

@Gaia Singer, I only joined Facebook myself 1 July. It took me a little more than one hour to create my profile and add photos. I go there often throughout the day because I love the fellowship, otherwise it requires very little from me.

sabina Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm

@Gaia Singer,
Dear Gaia, what an inspiration you are. I’m a little younger than you but also a writer and sort of publisher (other people’s!) and have been nursing my dear Dad with Parkinsons for 10 years. He died 3 years ago (a well aged 85) and voila ! exactly 1 year later I went through the BC trip (finally had time to notice myself!) I’d love to read your Short Story. Where do I find it??? I’m also managing my health with diet and supplements and share that node-checking routine every day in the shower. I wish I could just ignore the twangs and move on, but more lessons to learn I guess. Must be millions of us out there doing the same thing every day. Is it a global catastrophe or a global sisterhood? We’ve all got breasts and it seems half of us also have lumps that the medical profession is making lots of money from. Anyway, that’s a whole big story. Power to you sister and go buy yourself another few cats. They need you as much as you need them. I plant trees – and someone has to be here to water them!
Go well.

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Gaia Singer Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 2:13 am

@sabina, Kia Ora Sabina. How lovely that we have so much in common even to our love of trees. I rent a little house down a driveway. At the top of the drive and immediately across the road is a large, lovely, very hilly bush and tree park (all of Auckland is very hilly, in fact we have close to 50 volcanos in my city – all extinct – fingers crossed!) which, when my most beloved dog was alive he absolutely loved running around in and splashing in the brook when he got too hot. Although I can’t see the park from my home, I can see many wonderful different shaped trees from pretty well every window. I’ve always loved trees and actually need to see lots of green every day to feel grounded. We have a tree in NZ called a Pohutakawa tree (I hope I’ve spelt that correctly)another name for it is Christmas tree ‘cos it is in full blossom then – the earlier it starts blossoming the more hopeful we are of a long, hot summer. The Pohutakawa has a wonderfully twisted trunk and numerous main branches which also twist and turn in a magnificent expression of itself. Therefore there is no regimentation – no tree looked exactly the same. It has a large red flower which lasts many weeks. Very beautiful.

I can understand you having got BC after nursing your dad for 10 years – the strain at times must have been enormous for you. What a loving daughter you were – my heart goes out to you. It’s a pretty gross disease once it gets a real hold. I’ve been truly blessed because although my right leg and arm shook so badly that I thought I was going to have to put myself in a home,and I suffered pretty unpleasant pain (it felt like the muscles were trying to pull themselves off my bones) once they worked out it was Parkinson’s (this took about 18 months to do!)and I got the right medication and had a heap of colour healing, the shaking is controlled brilliantly for the time the med is in my body. And I’m only on 2 tablets a day much to my neurologist’s amazement. He was also flabbergasted when I took my self published book in for him to read and told him that I typed it myself, most of it with my right hand bouncing up and down off the keys like a flea in a fit, at times running rows of kkkkkk or other letters in it’s uncontrolled dance which I had to painstakingly delete only to have it happen again moments later, whilst my right leg kept banging the underneath of the computer table and my foot shook at 2,000 shakes a minute, or so it felt. He also was astounded that I could get my thoughts in order to be able to write such a big book (341 pages). I told him that it is only when I am writing that I have clear thought – if you asked me to chat about the book I’d be hard pressed to do so, even though it is about my life lessons learnt. So God has truly blessed me there. And for all the challenges that Parkinson’s presents to me, I have no negative thoughts about it – I don’t believe that it will get any worse for me (I’ve had it about 6 years), literally cannot visualise myself ever getting really bad, and am firmly convinced it can be healed.

So Sabina, share with me what you are doing to control and hopefully remove your breast lump? I’m taking Red Clover and Pokeroot drops, and have started going to a 79 year old named Alastair Laubach-Bourne who hooks me up to a machine he invented, for an hour or so per week. I believe that the combination is working. I’m also going this Sunday (if it’s not raining buckets – Auckland rains a lot, hence the wonderfully green city, so I ain’t complaining) to a lady the other side of Auckland who is going to show me what a Kawakawa bush looks like, pick some of its leaves and make a poltice to put on the lumps. Rather than drawing the lump out of the body as some cancer poltices do, she tells me that the Kawakawa actually dissolves the lumps. Certainly worth a try. I’m also trying to find out where I can purchase habinero peppers in NZ. I’m on Kelley Eidem’s email list. He’s a fellow who healed stage 4 cancer in 2 weeks making a pepper and garlic sandwich. http://hubpages.com/hub/How-I-Cured-Stage-4-Cancer-in-Two-Weeks-For-Less-Than-The-Cost-Of-A-Night-At-The-Movies.
And, of course, I’m in the process of changing my diet so my body can be healthy with or without the cancer. I’m finding “12 Steps to Raw Foods: How to End Your Addiction to Cooked Food” by Victoria Boutenko a fascinating read http://www.RawFamily.com.

You were saying you’d like to read my short story on cancer. The book is called “The Path to Success” compiled by Sandy Forster, published by Inspired Spirit Publishing, Australia in 2008. I know it’s in bookstores in America, Canada and Britain and probably Australia – New Zealanders could purchase from my website http://www.singingearth.com. And presumably the libraries would have it also.

Gotta go now and feed my one remaining beautiful pussytat and myself. She was a scrawney, skin and bone young cat with 3 one week old (approx) kittens when I found her. A wonderful mother with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen on a cat. Between the two of us we raised her kittens, found them good homes and she is now this very lush, healthy bright eyes and extremely contented cat. She’s a small cat and is black with 4 white feet (hence I named her Bootsy), a white chest shaped rather like a one buttoned up jacket and a white mastache. She is just the cutest cat on the block, and interestingly, although all the cats got on really well together with very little squabbling, now that it’s just her and me, she has become a much more demonstrative and loving cat, which is really nice for me having lost my incredibly cuddly Jazz.

I look forward to hearing from you again, Sabina, when you’ve got time to chat. Tomorrow I must reply to the other lovely people who have contacted me.

By the way, what do you mean when you say “sort of publisher”? I am intrigued.

God bless for now,
Gaia

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justme Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 5:30 am

@Gaia Singer, Dear Gaia, I appreciate every single minute of the 2 hours you spent writing to me! So much great information and inspiration too. I have sent your letter on to my sisters too as I know they will love to read it and we have all been sharing ours for some time. I’m a science writer and sometimes publisher these days and it’s nearly 15 years since I owned my own magazine (and I’d NEVER do that again!) “Dead”lines are called that for a reason!
Dad lived with his Parkinsons for 20 years and it was really only debilitating in the last few. But he NEVER lost his acute intellect or sense of humour. Even when he had aweful accidents he was usually found cacking himself laughing, flat on his back with a pot of something spilled everywhere or similar. He was an inspiration. I once arrived home to find both Mum and Dad on the floor covered in tea, cake and honey, unable to get up and hysterical with laughter at their plight! Mum, at a slight 5ft5″ had tried to catch the fall of my 6ft3″ 80 kg Dad. The laws of physics intervened! I do miss their laughter! There’s no “slapstick” in life any more! People are too serious!
Must go and feed my kids, but power to you and hugs. I will find your book, and also write again.

Maria Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:00 am

@Gaia Singer, Hi Gaia, though I cannot communicate with your kitties, I am sure they are cheering for you, so that you find that inner-strength which leads you to live the experiences you desire to have on this earth. I know it is difficult to give certain extra steps; it is for me. In my case, I just want to experience what gives me joy, my life purpose, and it involves pet companions. Try Essiac Tea, very good to heal cancer. Try EFT http://www.emofree.com, it could certainly help. Go to a shelter and adopt a cat that doesn’t want to die, maybe he’ll give you certain answers you are looking for; I am sure you’ll understand them. In any case, you will have saved a worthy life, and will be giving love to one who can appreciate it fully.

Best of luck to you.

Mari Pily

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm

@Maria, Love this response.

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Maria Reply:
July 24th, 2009 at 11:35 pm

@Ed Howes, Thank you Ed (:

Ivonne Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:10 am

@Gaia Singer,
My heart goes out to you. I also have breast cancer (stage II) and my spiritual journey started a year ago. As for going raw I would suggest just doing it right away, don’t even think about it. When I found out I had cancer two weeks ago, I decided it would be best to be the best I could be physically to deal with it whichever way I chose (naturally or with the assistance of medicine, etc.). So, in minutes I went “raw.” I got the car keys, went to the market and bought as much organic food as possible, got a juicer and am drinking 8 glasses of carrot juice (with apple juice) per day plus all greens, acai, CoQ10, green powder (veggies in powder) and eating lots of greens. I can only tell you that I look and feel great, my skin looks younger, I have a “glow” and have enormous energy, feel healthy, have a better attitude.I can even taste different tastes in the foods I had never tasted before. My children have seen this change in me and now ask that I make them vegetable juice (they are 6 and 7). In seeing my situation and how I have chosen to deal with it, others in need have obtained strength. And those who are healthy are reassessing their lives and their actions. We are doing others a favor when we take care of ourselves. So moving on may be an option for you, but do you think there is more work to be done to help others through your experience and spiritual journey? I have focused on being in this universe to help others. In doing so, the circle comes back around and we help ourselves. AS for your special fellow and goals, I would write down exactly how you want your fellow, described in detail (and anything else you want in your life). Meditate on it a couple of times a day and carry a card with this description. That which we focus on is what comes into our lives. Before you know it, you will have that which you desire. I have done this and when I TRULY believe in it, things just fall into place. Just make sure to go out and communicate. Share your joy and joy will come back to you. Sounds like you’re already good at this. Best wishes to you and all those whom I know you will bless. I will pray for you.

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:07 pm

@Ivonne, Love this response too. Very inspirational. Thank you.

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I’m been the middle child all my life. I have a gene deletion thats caused problems with my motor skills and math skills. I’ve been lucky that it’s only effected parts of my brain. Because of this gene deletion I’ve had many problems In my life. I’ve always been a spiritual person. Through as I got old enough to began thinking on my own I’ve been looking for ways to increase my spirituality. Now that I’m in college and on my own I’ve been looking deeper and trying find ways to help me spiritually. Despite my problems in my life I’ve been able to just keep moving forward. I tend to just let my curiosity take its course as long as it agrees with my morals. In short my life has been a life of difficulties and challenges but I will never give up because the ability to move forward is what keeps me going in life.

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RAYMOND Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm

@Keith P, I BET YOUVE ATE ALOT OF DAIRY PRODUCTS IN YOUR LIFE? IF YOU HAVE. YOU NEED TO DETOX YOUR BODY OR YOU WILL REGRET IT IN YOUR 40S.UNTIL THEN DRINK A GALLON OR MORE OF WATER A DAY(ONLY WATER)GIVE UP SUGARS AND WHAT EVER BAD HABIT YOU MAY HAVE FOR 2 WEEKS AND IF YOU FEEL BETTER OR ANY CHANGE JUST THINK A HOLE YEAR WITHOUT ANY OF THIS IN YOUR BODY.P.S EAT LOTS OF EGGS

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Keith P Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm

@RAYMOND,

I was born with the Gene deletion but I’ll take your advice.

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Ed Howes Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm

@Keith P, Our genes can be switched on and off. They are commonly switched on or off by toxemia (poisoning) or malnutrition and often the combination. Study detoxification and health. Read Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra to boost your spiritual growth.

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Hi,

I have raised 12 children. They taught me so much.

Some years ago one came to me and said, “Dad, I love you and appreciate your wisdom and I know you are really only trying to help us.

“There is just one thing I would suggest, when you say to me and your crew the word ’should’ it sounds sorta uncool, control freakish. Now if you just changed that to ‘could’ well that empower me, that empowers all of us.

Can you ‘feel’ the difference dad?

Immediately I did. I could see how ’should’ was just so uncool about me being in charge of their lives and could was just inspirational!

Then some years ago at Christmas dinner I said, ‘Hey guys and gals, please all of you, go and have your complete freedom. Go and do whatever you want. You have my blessing.

You can do it.

They all did and became strong incredible loving beings.

Thanks
Kaunteya

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