You’ve opened the doorway to something -very- important, and in my opinion the most important insight for transforming your life:

The pursuit of Truth.

The fact that you want to understand more than to change is the very mentality that will enable you to bring miracles into your life.

While I rarely make suggestions, whenever I meet somebody who pursues Truth there is one thing I always recommend that they read:

“Diamond Heart: Book 1″ by A.H. Almaas.

Check out the book on Amazon, and if it resonates with you then I’d love to hear your thoughts after (or even while) you’re reading it.

It truly is a phenomenal book for anybody on the path of Truth.

I’m grateful to hear the video was helpful for you! The next 3 are great ones too… so stay tuned, it’s good stuff – ESPECIALLY to start digging into some of those old stories that aren’t serving you anymore.

You both bring to light how people can be oblivious to how they treat others, also how we can absorb those hurts.

My sister and I went through this angst in school, when it wasn’t cool to wear handme downs, nor have a father who was a cop, nor be from a large family. And we survived.

I remember the lyrics from “Seventeen” by Janis Ian – and how I felt they could have been written for me, right down to the lyrics, ‘when choosing sides at basketball…,’ which happened to us. We were the last ones chosen to play. The most popular student was told that if she played with us, she couldn’t hang out with the other students. She had been involved in a car accident the summer before and some of her family came close to dying. Her response was: “Fine! I’m playing with them. See ya!
I couldn’t believe she stood up to the other children.

It all came to a head about four years later, when the kids finally wanted to be our friends. We moved away that summer – an eight-hour drive – and lost contact.

I’m terribly shy, but with lots of work, I’ve overcome it for the most part. I married young, had a couple of children and my husband passed away, when they were toddlers – about twenty-four years ago.

Life has been life. I can’t say that it has been unkind because I’ve learned a lot about myself, the kindness of others and have two young and beautiful adults in my world. A lot of other people have not had the opportunities available to them, so I thank the gods for their blessings.

To succeed in life, it is ever up to me. To do that, I need to figure me out. Well, I’ve been working on that for a few years. I try not to lay blame, but seek to understand what makes me tick, why I respond as I do to certain situations and how I can overcome my fears. With that information, I can change my path to accomplish the goals I’ve set for me. Through these changes, I know my children will see how living life is an ongoing project.

Thank you for opening yourselves up to everyone.

Outwardly I can be appropriate to whoever and whatever is in my space, but inwardly I can welcome whatever feelings come up, thanking them, and resolving them quickly, so that my body relaxes and I can see what is going on around me with new eyes. Since I want the highest good of all concerned, as my intent, I can watch this unfold effortlessly through the all pervading intelligence and love of life itself.

Then I am so grateful for this movie called life.

First, has anything changed since this post you made? I wonder if you are still in the same situation. I hope you are not, but I suspect you are.
Having kids makes all the decisions as to what to do, so hard, I know. I stayed on with my kids and an abusive husband until the kids were old enough to leave home, I too did not want a divorce/ separation either. I did not want the kids to suffer the fall out of being separated from their father as I had had this experience myself as a child. It was a huge dillema. Looking back, although I do not regret that I stayed with him for so long I think my kids would have come out better if we had separated earlier.
There was so much tension in the house, the kids suffered from feeling it. They were not set good examples of how to have a healthy relationship by their parents, they watched the abusive words fly, the emotional blackmail and all the other stuff that goes with it. Poor kids.
I thought I could change things. I thought if I found support for myself to cope with things (which I got from counsellors) I thought I could help my husband too. But he always blamed his misery on others, me especially. He could not look at himself and there was nothing I could do to make him. Abuse was normal to him as that was the kind of environment he had experienced as a child. It was in his blueprint so it made sense to him to act in the same manner. It was in his family,his mother was the abuser and his Dad was the victim, and I expect it was the same for both of their parents too.
My husband dominated with his mood and he abused yet he he believed he was the victim. And I was compassionate and forgiving because I understood why it happened and thought that I could cope and would not be affected. Sounds familiar to you?
You are in a very challenging situation. I think it is fantastic that you have written here. I know how hard it is to speak about. I found it impossible to discuss with any of my family and never breathed a word to his. I was ashamed that my family was like this.
But the key is to know that changing the situation is not possible until you change how you feel about yourself. You need to ask yourself why you allow yourself to be abused in this way?
If you didn’t allow it you would be able to change it! Maybe it is something about how loved or not loved you feel?
Once you recognize what it is in you that allows this behavior in another towards you, and deal with that aspect of yourself, or at least gain some understanding, you will have a choice.
You may decide for your own sake that the only sensible choice is to leave. It is OK to do that. It is ok to think about yourself first. Please believe me.
It is a scary thought but In the long run the kids will benefit more from seeing their father happy, because now you clearly are not and that will mean that they are not either.Do you want them to learn that it is ok for abuse to happen between adults and to think it is normal? What ever happens your kids will be affected, if you stay or if you go, and they will find ways to deal with those things as they grow into adults. Remember, you are not responsible for how anyone else feels, you are only responsible for how YOU feel.
I know you feel worried about the kids, you clearly love them to bits, so may I make a suggestion? How about really opening this up? Talk to people as much as you can. I didn’t let on to anyone except my counsellor although there was plenty of evidence that things were not right at home. My sister saw my bruises, everyone saw how screwed up our relationship was from the way we were, even though pretty much all of the heavy stuff happened behind closed doors, and our finances were always in a mess, people knew and they will know it is not right in your home either. trust me.
You will be holding in a lot of shame, I expect sorrow too, that things haven’t gone the way you hoped. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You might however feel ashamed if years later your kids turn round to you and say ‘dad, why did you stay with Mum and put us all through all that?’ And you don’t want them to turn into abusers or victims, do you?
Also you might find another partner who you can have a good relationship with and you might find you can show your kids what a happy family can be like!

On a final note, if you think you need to somehow show that these things are going on at home, may I suggest you get a little tape recorder? It sounds sneaky I know and the horror of being discovered might be too much for you, but it may be invaluable later if it comes to custody battles. But judges are not fools, they’ll have seen plenty of cases like this before and if what you say about your in-laws are anything to go by that could work in your favor too. Don’t worry too much about your wife and the possibility of her finding another partner to abuse, it will probably be unavoidable if she is not prepared to look at her own issues, but at least you will be out of the frame and the kids will have a happy dad to love.
I want to end with a message; you are not alone, no one is, but we all are when we believe we are. You deserve to be loved, but you must find the love within yourself first it is the only thing that will enable you to free yourself from this abuse.
I send you this with a message of heart felt love and compassion, from someone who KNOWS what you are going through….be strong, but do not resist or leave what you feel unexpressed.
Love light and hope, my thoughts are with you.
Janey

Please forgive me for taking so long to reply. Your note here to me is wonderful and I thank you for taking the time to express yourself to me. It is a great help and I have been working on learning to love myself, it’s working.I love my son so much and think about him everyday. Unfortunately, because I wasn’t able to bond with my daughter I love her in a much different way. I do pray for them both, on the outside they appear to be doing very well. I do hope that when they’ve had the time to get some living under their belt they’ll come to realize and see things differently. Until then I will continue to make the most of my life to the best of my ability and be of service to others in my own small ways. Thank you so much for sharing such a significant part of your life with me. You sound like a strong woman. What you have given me here is immeasurable.
Most Gratefully
Marie

Thank you for sharing your story! It’s amazing how much our own experience can change when we get some perspective and distance from the “story” that other people may be playing out (often unconsciously).

I look forward to hearing more of your stories of forgiveness as you discover them in your life with other people.

-Chris